www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life The Christian East & West The Sin Box

Some interesting observations about why people don't go to confession.
http://www.slate.com/id/2130589/?nav=tap3

Excellent article Rose. Lately I've convinced a couple of Protestant that the practice of one going to confession is not unscriptural and that there are spiritual benefits to it. Trying to convince a cradle Catholic who hasen't gone in 10, 20 or 30 years that it's not a bad thing though, can be entirely different. I even read an article a few years ago from a liberal nun who stated that going to confession in the way most people did before Vatican II is too traumatic an experience for children.

This was a good article. Sometimes my parents ask why I go to Confession so often (I'm scrupulous) and I explain why the Church has Confession, etc. but they don't believe you have to confess your sins to God AND a priest. "It's nice, but it's not required," is how my dad put it.
And trying to convince people that they sin mortally is a whole nother story. Not that I go up to people and tell them that, but in a conversation I had with a Catholic friend, I said something about Confession and she goes, "I haven't committed any mortal sins." To which I blurted out (maybe I shouldn't have) "Yes, you have." "Oh those, I confessed them a couple years ago," referring to her eating disorder. But I was referring to her relations with her boyfriend, not attending Mass, etc.
Even my grandmother doesn't think missing Sunday Mass is a mortal sin - it's not just our parents' generation and ours that thinks this, that's the really sad part.

Lasha welcome to the Byzantine Forum!

I know what you mean. Sometimes it is hard because people do not understand the santifing grace that comes from confession. I suggest if it has been that long, maybe they should make an appointment with the priest. Also, if they will just confess what comes to mind, in time the others will surface and then they can confess those. It was a long time not going, so it will be a while to remember also. But, honestly if they, myself included when I get to far out, would just think of God's grace and mercy if we are attempting to reconcille with God then he is going to give us the grace to remember.

I found this link has some good quotes from some of the Early Church Fathers.
http://www.catholic.com/library/Confession.asp

Curious, that one.

A protestant friend of mine, hardly schooled in theology or tradition, said he had no objections to the practice - he's anything but conservative, but said he saw the practice as beneficial. Free therapy, free counselling and giving verbal form to one's thoughts and feelings is good, he says.

See how logically he views it!

I have never had anything but wonderful experiences with confessions. However I frequently speak to people who claim that they had confessions which were traumatic and so on, and it is clear that that is one of the reasons they stopped going.
For example, a friend from university a few years ago said that the last time she had gone to confession, at the age of 14, the priest had asked her is she had ever stolen fruit from her mother... What sort of question is this for a 14 year old girl?
Of course, in a similar situation I would probably laugh it off, but on her it had the opposite effect, "This guy has no idea where I'm coming from, and cannot relate to me or understand me."
I have too many of these stories to not believe them, but where are these priests whenever I go? How come I have never once had a similar experience? And I don't have a regular confessor, I frequently confess to priests I don't know..
It's just weird I guess. It's also hard to explain to these people that not all priests are insensitive or naive idiots, let alone explain that the quality of the priest is the least important factor involved...
Once again, it boils down to a lot of prayer and personal witness. If we show people that we emerge from the confessional changed and sanctified, maybe that will help.

A suggestion: I always enjoy looking at people when they are coming out of confession and trying to understand that at that very moment, they are walking living saints, no matter who they are or what they have done, or how little they might know about theology, they are in a state of holinesse that supersedes mine by far. Once or twice I have approached friends in these situations and asked for their blessing. It is not only beneficial for me, but I think it helps them to realize, if they didn't already, the greatness of what has just occurred.
Wouldn't it be a great gesture for some of these people if, at the end of confession, the priest were to ask them to bless him? Would there be anything incorrect in this?
God bless!

CIX!

Yes and no. In the Byzantine tradition, a layman never presumes to bless a priest, as it is the prerogative of the priest to bless. Hence, strictly speaking, one ought not, in the Byzantine tradition, say 'God bless you, Father'.

Edward,

Well, do laymen ever "bless" priests in the Latin liturgical tradition? I'm a Latin Catholic and I've certainly never heard of this!

ISTM that nowadays saying "God bless you" to someone is not saying that you are blessing him in the Name of God, but rather a shortened version of a wish/desire, i.e. "May God bless you."

Logos Teen

I am having trouble finding a good confessor other than the priest I went through RCIA with. And he was transferred, so I am ashamed to say that the past two years I haven't gone to Confession much at all. (The last time I went this year I travelled to the parish where my old pastor went, because I just couldn't bear to do Reconciliation with the new pastor at my old Church. But that was before we started attending Divine Liturgy regularly at St. John's.)

I suppose I should also say -- I've only ever gone to "new style" reconciliation. Where you just sit with the priest rather than using a screen or a box. I've never done Confession at my Byzantine Church, and I don't really know the Byzantine tradition for this.

My husband has that aversion to confession that you are all talking about.

I don't think the main concern with confession is the sex-abuse....

There are several Catholic forums on the internet with this topic mentioned,the more common fear is just fear in general, embarrasing telling a priest about your wrong doings, and nervousness...

Some may be like "ohh whats he gonna think?"

The Catholics today also don't seem to be as well informed or as strict as the past catholics. The Catholic schools used to be runned by priest and nuns, but that doesn't happen as much anymore.... my Catholic school doesn't

Evanescence

Pooklaroux

May I make a suggestion ?

As an RC I also had great difficulty with the practice of Confession - and that was also in a minor way linked to a mild case of claustrophobia - I had to find a Priest who would permit Face to Face Confession in a large space.

I finally plucked up courage to Confess "Eastern Style' with my SF some months before I was Received into the UGCC.

Here I was in front of the Icon of Christ on the Iconostasis , with the Priest beside me - I spoke to Christ Himself , I admitted my faults , I expressed my sorrow - and the Priest was my witness. He counselled me , made suggestions and , satisfied of my Contrition , he absolved me - what a relief that was. I was given some prayers to say - an act of Thanksgiving to make - and that was it . I felt so light at the end of it - for the first time I really experienced joy from Confession.

Talk to your Byzantine Priest - you may well find you are more comfortable this way - and anyway - you are both Catholic . If you are attending an EC Church then you can Receive the Sacraments there too

Anhelyna

I can sympathize with you, Anhelyna! I grew up in the BC church, but never experienced a proper eastern confession there. We did not use the "sin boxes", but rather the "kneel in front of a priest in a closet and read a confession card" type (not sure if this is a predominant style?). I had a few confessions outside the closet, such as sitting at a table or while taking a walk, but I never really felt any closer to God afterwards. I just did it every year before Pascha because I was supposed to.

However, my first Orthodox confession, in front of the Icon of Christ, with the priest at my side, epitrachelion over my head moved me to tears in a way I cannot fully explain. As I recall I didn't even say much, if anything other than "yes" when asked if I was sorry for my sins. I'm not sure I've ever felt so close to Christ or so at home. Of course one cannot expect to be so moved at every confession and I surely haven't been at every one, but it was certainly an experience I'd like to share.

Also, the Orthodox seem to have a slightly different understanding of Confession than the Catholics, on the whole. I have never been precribed penance by an Orthodox priest. My pastor believes it unneccesariy, like punishment for your sins. Restitution is sometimes necessary, if you have stolen something for example, it must be paid back, but we believe confession to be getting right with God again, not paying for your sins. Sinning, after all, is "missing the mark" more than "being bad". I know for many Orthodox, and probably for many Catholics without proper understanding, the practice of giving prayer as penance seems pretty strange. Without proper understanding it does send the wrong message, that prayer is punishment. Prayer certainly shouldn't be preceived this way! I know when I was a teenager in the BC church my peers saw it this way. With the proper mind set prayer after confession makes perfect sense- the purpose of confession is to re-align yourself with God and prayer is a part of that- but that message isn't always clear.

I'm not trying to say that the eastern or western understanding is objectively superior to the other, but I find the eastern much more effective. For many, penance may help them to not sin as much again or perhaps offer them closure. This difference between east and west on confession is pretty much the same as the difference on fasting.