www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life The Christian East & West Question: Marriage

To all,

The most important aspect in the Ethiopian wedding ceremony is the taking of the Holy Communion (Qurban) together as husband and wife. This is to make the two come together as one flesh in our Lord Christ (as per Matthew 19:4-6). From this point on the couple always take the Holy Communion together as a couple and not as individuals. With out the Qurban the marriage is illegitimate and the couples are considered not to be married (even if they had everything else in the ceremony such as the Crowning). Many people, especially the present generation, are afraid to take the Eucharist because they wish to postpone to a “safer” date when they are sure that divorce is less a possibility then the case when they were newlyweds (like their 25th anniversary) to finally take communion together. This is like Muslims waiting until they are 50 and 60 to go to Mecca I guess (the idea of sin now repent later). It is almost as if they enter marriage with the expectation that there will be a divorce built into the marriage.

As late as the 1960's the EOTC still was enforcing the rule of marriage as dictated in the Fetha Negast (our ecclesiastical law). This denied communion to divorced couples who were divorced for reasons other than adultery or another reason the church found as proper for divorce. They also refused to administer the sacrament of marriage to such people when they requested to get re-married to someone else. This caused a lot of people to fear “becoming one” before they were sure and requesting the marriage service without the Eucharist. This process was accelerated during the years of the military dictatorship that tried to enforce more secular means of marriage. Lately the Ethiopian Church has been enforcing that marriages be conducted with the Communion. That is why these days Ethiopian Priests are nervous being on video camera in the ceremony. They don't want to be caught administering the sacrament without the Communion (as couples always request).

I guess this is an uphill battle. I was wondering if the Eastern Church or the Romans have Communion as part of their wedding ceremony (at least officially).

p.s. Alex, what is this about Orthodox internet sites selling crowns? A personal message would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless You All

Aklie Semaet

[ 04-29-2002: Message edited by: Aklie Semaet ]

Aklie,

Is the EOTC allowing couples to have sex by ways of the crowning if they are not married by ways of refusing the Eucharist? Or am I like totally missing something here?

And how does "one" recieve communion together (the Eucharist)?

Dear Brother Maximus,

The priest that allowed couples to get married without taking the Qurban were out of order. It was not supposed to happen. The couples feel that they are married because the Priest allowed them to do it that way. The ceremony is a typical Church matrimony ceremony with the Eucharist missing.

This resulted in a relapse from Church values and a push toward secularism due to western cultural influence. Many Priests took a relaxed attitude about Church practices and started allowing couples, at their request, to be married without taking the Communion. They simply had the rings ceremony (kal kidan), the crowning ceremony, put on the cloaks and all the fancy stuff and skipped the meat and meaning of the matter by not taking Communion. They even received official church Marriage certificates. This trend proliferated and soon enough became more common than couples taking the Communion. When the new Patriarch came in it was ordered that this relapse be stopped and for Priests to only administer the correct ceremony with Communion or no ceremony at all. It has not changed much but the Church's position is clear as can be.

The problem is that young Ethiopians are afraid of communion. Communion, not just on marriage but in general, is seen as a big commitment to Christ. When one takes the Communion news usually spreads through the family and it is considered a big deal. One who takes it is expected to live like a real Christian and to set an example. People are always trying to find you listening to worldly music, dancing or some other type of transgression. For this reason Communion is considered something Old people do. What I saw in Church today is typical. People lined up to take Communion were 1) Old people and 2) young children being escorted to do so by their parents (who themselves did not take it as they were having their kids to do). I can not agree with this type of thinking but I will give Ethiopians credit on one point, when they do it they really mean it. And if you meet a girl who is willing to take Communion with you, you can be sure of one thing—she LOVES you.

Communion is taken together by the couple standing together in line during the end of Mass (that is the only time that male and female are allowed to be together during mass with the exception of mother and small child). Usually the order of the line is new baptisms (babies and occasional older converts) first, with males first and females following. If there is a couple there to take it then they go first (this is the end of their wedding ceremony that would have started earlier in the morning). They stand together and one takes the flesh and blood immediately after the other.

The Church does not allow for unmarried sex. It does not even allow it two days before taking the communion and three days afterward (pretty boring wedding day huh?). Couples who have sex after only getting crowed and cloaked at their wedding feel that their marriage is complete (thanks to the Priest allowing them to think that) and can not really be blamed. They were not properly taught the sacrament of matrimony.

I hope I have made sense

Egzabiher keante gar yehun

Aklie Semaet

Ya akh Aklie,

Your posts have been invaluable so far. The length and elaboration you put into them make what you have to contribute a very enjoyable read.

The Qurbanah is certainly not a joke or trifle thing for Ethiopians. I was told by the Ethiopian friend I mentioned to you earlier, that one must not dare to look at It. It is fire, as it was put forth to me. Mind you, this person isn't from the village with its trademark rigorous observances and scrupulously pious ways, but from Addis Ababa.

I am also told that one must not wear shoes in the church, and this was supplemented by an interesting story regarding someone who had transgressed this and had been struck down by divine wrath afterwards. I can't say I don't admire this tradition. It is a proper respect for holy ground, and furthermore it nicely shows how many Muslim practices have Christian roots or have their Christian equivalents.

In IC XC
Samer

Selam Aklie!

Yes, your posts are a window into the spirituality of the great Tewahedo Ethiopian Church!

Marriage by Communion together is, in fact, the ancient Christian Rite of marriage in the East, as part of the Mystery of Crowning.

The Ethiopian Church also, among many other things, practices the ancient method of glorifying/canonizing saints - by building a Church in honour of a new saint.

The Eastern Orthodox and Catholic Churches of the Byzantine tradition also emphasize Communion together for a bride and groom.

Ideally, the Mystery is celebrated within the context of the Divine Liturgy where the bride and groom receive Communion together and the Mystery of Crowning is conducted.

Otherwise, the bride and groom would attend Divine Liturgy before the Mystery of Crowning.

Certainly, the act of Divine Communion together as the focal point of the Mystery of Crowning is much more emphasized in the Ethiopian Tewahedo Church.

Here is a website that sells Wedding Crowns:

http://www.istok.net

God bless and Happy Pascha!

Alex