www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Prayer hard times...

Dear Friends,

I would appreciate it very much if you would all pray for me.

A few years ago, after my father had passed on from this life, and other "circumstances" had occurred, I saw something I never thought I'd see. My family (not immediate family, but we were all that close anyway) seemed to be losing many of the virtues it once had, and which truly made it great, and something I'd boast about. Suddenly, if I may paraphrase Pope Paul VI, it seemed that the smoke of Satan had entered it, in the form of suspicion and a lack of love -- familial love and Christian love.

Many things were thought, many things were said, and eventually it was too much for me. My family had soured in a horrifying way. Accusations were hurled left and right, and I could not bring myself to forgive those who had hurt my mother and me so much, especially when we hadn't hurt them or done anything to do so. I became cold toward these people, and, in looking back at things, I became the kind of cold, loveless person toward them that they became toward us. I didn't like it, but that was how it was.

Over the years, things settled. People seemed like they were sorry and willing to try again. And because of that, the bitterness started to leave, and while I could never bring myself to forget absolutely, I was starting to forgive.

But yesterday, in a powerful way, I realised that what "seemed" to be wasn't. It was a deception. All the old feelings that others had towards us that caused me to become cold and bitter towards them are still there, and are still there in a big way. And, in trying to talk with those responsible about it, and trying to ask them why they thought this way rather than that, and trying to make an effort for change, I realised that nothing is going to change. These folks will always be like this.

So all the old feelings of bitterness and anger, distance and pain, have returned. It's like opening up an old wound, only to have it fester again. After all these years, and after more maturity than in years past, I still find it hard to deal with this. It is easy for me to separate myself from these people, but that doesn't change the feelings towards them, and that is what needs changing.

Yesterday, as I wept over these things (it was the only thing I could bring myself to do, you'll see why), I wanted to pray. But then the following thought kept coming to me. How could I pray? How could I not forgive? Why shouldn't I? How can I ask for God's forgiveness without offering it to others? How can I be forgiven by God when I cannot forgive my neighbour? I could not say the Lord's Prayer with a clear conscience anymore. I can't ask for God's forgiveness if I can't forgive others...I have no right to do so. I'm not saying I expect it to be easy. But when I was starting to do it, this happens. How can I go to the altar, how can I go to God, if I have a gripe with my brother? I can't...but I also can't bring myself to forgive. I can't forgive, I don't feel worthy to pray anymore, I am, in a sense, very spiritually paralysed.

I almost hesitated to post this here, because there are many others who have more troubling problems than I who have asked for prayers here. But because I don't feel like I can pray, I want to ask you to pray for me. It is the only good thing about this having happened many years later, when I am older...I know theoretically what I have to do, where I have to go, what I have to become. But I am just as paralysed, if not more so, now as I was before to do anything about it.

Please keep me in your prayers, friends.

[ 04-29-2002: Message edited by: Mor Ephrem ]

I pray that God will gift the world with legions of bright, sensitive young men, who have a deep and genuine love for their mothers.

Young men, just like you!

God knows, we certainly need many more, Mor Ephrems.

Peace to your father, who must be wondrously proud of his good son.

Salaam,

Abdur

May the God of Mercy and Forgiveness touch us all!
May he bring us to forgive ourselves for the feelings and resentments that are a part of our humanness.

May He lead us to his feet with our burdens of feelings and emotions and decisions that are less than perfect. May he guide us to hand them to Him and let them be there in His capable Hands. May He make us patient as He works to heal us.

May we know the God Who comes to us in our weaknesses as well as our strengths. May we not let our weaknesses and failings keep us from the One Who calls us even in them.

Dear Mor Ephrem,

I hear your pain and I have been there and done that. I am sure there are many on the forum who have, but that doesn't make it any easier. Abdur and Inawe have offered very special prayers for you, may I offer another approach.

Pray this, "does this anger which prompts these feelings acknowledge that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh."

There is rightous anger, Jesus was mad at the money changers in the temple. Sometimes though, our selves get so tied up in it we are open to anger that does not belong to us. By praying this, the anger will have to leave. As you read below in 1 John 4, you have victory over the anger. I know I was there.

Also, Jesus is not a God of condemnation but of love. He loves you and all your family very much.

1 John 4:1-6 :: Revised Standard Version (RSV)


1 John 4
1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world.
2 By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit which confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God,
3 and every spirit which does not confess Jesus is not of God. This is the spirit of antichrist, of which you heard that it was coming, and now it is in the world already.
4 Little children, you are of God, and have overcome them; for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
5 They are of the world, therefore what they say is of the world, and the world listens to them.
6 We are of God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and he who is not of God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

Mor Ephrem,

It sounds exactly as my family when my Great Aunt died. Accusations, property fights, suspicions, family members not talking to each other or showing up at the holiday get together(s), etc. I feel your pain.

I will pray not only that you may be able to forgive them but also that you all may be able to re-establish the familial virtues and relationships “which truly made it great.”

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32).”

In Christian solidarity,

Aklie Semaet

[ 04-30-2002: Message edited by: Aklie Semaet ]

Please know that you are in my prayers. So many of us have been where you have been in our own life circumstances.

"See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:15-18

Be assured of my prayers unworthy though they be.

David Kennedy

The debts of those who ask for pardon are forgiven. But see that you do not harbor hatred for your brethren when you ask forgiveness of your debts.

Prayers that are offered up to God remain behind closed doors if they do not contain love, for only love can open the doors for prayer.

If your brother is angry with you, then the Lord is angry with you. And if you have made peace with your brother below, then you have made peace also with the Lord on high. If you receive your brother, then you also receive the Lord.

Thus, make peace with the Lord in the person of those who are offended; give Him cause to be glad in the person of those who sorrow; visit Him in the person of those who are infirm; feed Him in the person of those who hunger.

In the person of a weary traveller, prepare a soft bed for Him, wash His feet, seat Him at the head of your table, break your bread and share it with Him, give Him also your cup.

He had alrady shown His great love for you; He has broken His body for you and given you His blood to drink.

(St. Ephraim the Syrian)

It's perfectly kosher to ask God to give you the grace to forgive.

Sometimes it's necessary, too.

BTDT,

Sharon


Sharon Mech, SFO
Cantor & sinner
sharon@cmhc.com

Dear Phil:

The circumstances surrounding your present dilemma quite mirror my 21-year old son's recent experiences. He was affected so gravely that his college studies suffered in the process.

But I must admit the loss of your father (may he rest in peace!) a few years back exacerbates the situation. I fervently pray that the Holy Theotokos will fortify and give solace to your own mother, who must be equally suffering the tribulations that have befallen you and your family.

Take heed: this "setback" is transitory and it will come to pass as does everything in this world. It did for my son.

You are gifted and you display such a maturity seldom found in young adults of today. I know you can keep your head above water.

Amidst all this, be reminded of our common Asian heritage: blood is thicker than water.

Please accept my humble offering.

AmdG

Phil,

God will give you strength. You have my prayers. The family is sacrosanct and one of the few truly precious gifts we have on this Earth. If it wars against itself, it is a tragedy. Your mother, needless for me to tell you, is sacred, and your anger against any hurt she suffers is likewise, sacred and proper. That does not stand in the way of your Christian desire to forgive those who need such forgiveness from your mother and yourself.

I hope you will all pull through.

In IC XC
Samer

Dear Catholicos,

May God visit you and your mother with His strength and grace!

As Abdur said, we need "Mor Ephrems" such as yourself.

As one priest told me, "If you don't feel like praying, start praying anyway and soon you will feel continuing."

The same is true of forgiveness, even if we don't feel like forgiving right away.

Salaam (old Anglicized version: "So Long.")

Alex

Mor Ephrem,

In my spiritual battle, I often go through periods when I cannot pray. That I understand. Wishing God's peace in your heart. God have mercy on and save us all!

Mikhail

Dear Mor Ephrem:

There is only one way out of your family dilemmas, you must bring yourself to forgive.

Pray that God may grant you patience and fortitude.

Sometime back I had a terrible argument with a close relative, basically because of that person's treatment of another relative.

It got so bad that I would not speak to them for weeks, even though I saw them every day.

In a fit of frustration I wrote an eight-page response to the argument, and in it outlined all of my grievances.

It took me a four days just to compose.

When I mentioned to a sister of mine that I had this letter, she cautioned me saying, �words were transitory but paper was forever�.

I had to ask myself whether I was prepared for a complete and total break with this person.

For peace of mind I would really have to forget that they even existed (which I think at the time I could have done).

But for all of my justifications could I really forget my childhood, my companions, my very blood?

Even the relative who was wronged would have been shocked if they knew how I felt.

The letter is still sitting unprinted in my computer...

My dear soul have patience, I will keep your intentions in my prayers.

May God bless you and your family.


Sincerely
defreitas