www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Fasting and Guests

During fasting times, what do you believe to be the proper course of action if you (the faster) are a guest or are hosting guests? Should you mention your dietary restrictions (either in advance or at the time)? Would you mention them in certain circumstances only? Should you impose them on others? Is it an avenue to introducing people to the church's theology and practices or is it an avenue to pride? What do you say?

As a fasting guest, which would you do? single choice
	Mention it and eat whatever is provided
	Don't mention it and eat whatever is provided
	Mention it and avoid non-fasting foods
	Don't mention it avoid non-fasting foods
Votes accepted starting: 12/31/69 08:00 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

As a fasting host, which would you do? single choice
	Mention it and provide a variety of foods
	Don't mention it and provide a variety of foods
	Mention it and provide only fasting foods
	Don't mention it and provide only fasting foods
Votes accepted starting: 12/31/69 08:00 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

If you chose to provide a variety of foods, would you eat non-fasting foods? single choice
	Yes
	No
	I wouldn't provide non-fasting foods
Votes accepted starting: 12/31/69 08:00 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Does it depend on the circumstances (religion or relationship of company, etc); single choice
	Yes
	No
Votes accepted starting: 12/31/69 08:00 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

At first this poll may seem complicated, but if we remember St. Paul's law of love then it isn't. Moreover, the Spirit will guide us in how to handle each situation in an evangelical way. E.g, persons who really appreciate one another may be eager to hear and even follow your practice. If you are visiting another's home you wouldn't make an issue of the food offered but eat it graciously. If you can avoid the non fasting foods without drawing attention to yourself then do so. If not the law of love would dictate graciousness. The fast should only be mentioned if the other brings up the question. That's what I've been taught and the procedure we follow.

CDL

To clarify, the poll questions are

As a fasting guest, which would you do?

Mention it and eat whatever is provided
Don't mention it and eat whatever is provided
Mention it and avoid non-fasting foods
Don't mention it avoid non-fasting foods

As a fasting host, which would you do?

Mention it and provide a variety of foods
Don't mention it and provide a variety of foods
Mention it and provide only fasting foods
Don't mention it and provide only fasting foods

If you chose to provide a variety of foods, would you eat non-fasting foods?

Yes
No
I wouldn't provide non-fasting foods

Does it depend on the circumstances (religion or relationship of company, etc)

Yes
No

There are some days during fasts when my wife and I will dispense with the fast- our wedding anniversary and birthdays, in particular. They don't always fall within fasts, but when they do, we disallow the fast for the occasion. I suppose not everyone does that, but spiritual directors usually approve.

I would not mention it and simply eat as I am required to by the confines of the fast. I wouldn't feel right making a "big deal" out of why I'm not eating certain foods.

There are times as well when we should remember that our hosts have gone to a degree of trouble preparing a meal and do not realise that for us , it is a fast period. In circumstances like this it is considered worse to give offense by refusing things.

You do what you can - if there are no fasting foods available to you - then you eat what is put in front of you .

Carole's approach is the best approach if the meal being served is buffet style and there are enough other guests to partake of the forbidden foods. No one will notice.

Anhelyna's approach is the best approach if one is sitting down to a meal where avoiding the food that the host/hostess have put a great deal of care in to prepare, would be noticeable and offensive. Graciously eat what is served and don't say a thing about it.

Alice

If I am in a situation in which I cannot avoid notice of what I am not eating then I might mention it quietly to the host/hostess privately and eat those things which are allowed on the fast.

I would not make a public scene.

But I have a lot of other dietary restrictions so it is very possible (if not probable) that I could avoid eating non-fasting foods without calling undue attention to myself.

Dear Friends,

By the way, the guidelines I approved are not mine, but the general concensus of most Orthodox priests (except the strictest monastics) I have heard and/or met over the years.

Just to make that clear!

In Christ,
Alice

My FIL went on a vague hunger strike at the rehearsal dinner for his daughter's wedding. He didn't do it obviously or to call attention. He just didn't want to waste food and it didn't occur to him he could take it home. Most people were going back to hotels some distance away and didn't want to be bothered with something they'd never eat. Both bride and groom are Roman Catholics who do not eat meat on Friday and it was Lent. It was Friday. The groom's mom who is, let's say, different (a cradle Catholic who described others' dietary restrictions as "supersititious"), set the menu and refused to accommodate the two religious groups most prevalent in the wedding party that couldn't eat her favorite dish: 1) RCs avoiding meat on Friday and 2) practicing Jewish folks who were not strictly Kosher, but who did not eat pork or meat with cheese. She ordered chicken cordon bleu for all. Inedible to virtually all.

When hosting guests, it is best to offer them options. When you don't, you end up wasting food. And uncharitable though it is, we're all still talking about the "hungry" rehearsal dinner years later.

What's all this talk about fasting? Didn't we just do that? I need chocolate to cope with this. I find that I don't accept dinner invitations during fasting periods. It's much simpler to just stay home.

and eat good dark chocolate ?

Dear Wondering:

Christ is in our midst!!

The Desert Fathers have your answer in a story about a monk who received visitors and fed them well, including wine. He then overheard them mumbling about the fact that these desert monks lived such a lavish life. So he recited the Daily Office in secret, not including them, until the day they left. The story relates that the visitors became lost and circled back only to hear the Office being chanted. So they went in and the monk offered them a drink of water from a bucket. But they couldn't drink it because it was river water mixed with sea water. He explained that the meal they had received was the hospitality that love provides because

"Fasting is ever with me, but I cannot keep you ever here: and though fasting be indeed useful and necessary, ti is a matter of our own choosing: but love in its fulness the law of God requires at our hands. So, receiving Christ in you, I must show you whatver things be of love, with all carefulness, but when I have sent you away, then may I take up again the rule of fasting." The Desert Father, Helen Waddell, Ann Arbor Paperbacks, The University of Michigan Press, Third Printing 1960.

Another story says we should not parade our discipline because a virtue shown to the world is soon destroyed (by the deomon of pride who tempts us to think we are doing something).

I'd say if I had guests during a fasting period and they were not of my own discipline, I'd serve them as if I were not fasting at all. Then I'd redouble my efforts later when I was alone. If my guests were of my own discipline, then I would proceed in a different manner, but I'd ask them what they would be doing on that day--some of my own might not fast as strictly as I.

Then, again, what is there to do with receiving guests during a fasting period anyway? If the guests couldn't come at another time, then I'd go with the first way of receiving them above. If, for example, they came from a distance, they need to be refreshed.

I was a guest in the home of a wonderful family whose daughter I was dating. The mother served stuffed pork chops on a Friday evening. Just as the maid placed everyone's plate and was about to withdraw, my hostess exclaimed how embarrassed she was and would I prefer that the plates be removed since she was violating my religious practices. I told here that IMHO after one learns all the rules, one learns the most important one: never to give offense to one's host and to eat what is put before me with thanksgiving to God for something to eat and for the generosity of my hosts. I think they learned more of what the whole fasting thing is about from my witness than a long explanation of what it is I was attempting by fasting.

BOB

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!! ENOUGH--I cannot think of another legume yet.

I got tired of legumes too, though I did make them taste good. I had a batch that I made right after Easter and I had to throw it out because I couldn't bring myself to eat more.

Terry