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Shlomo Lkhoolkhoon,
This item came from my Maronite board. I hope you laugh as much as I did.

Poosh BaShlomo Lkhoolkhoon,
Yuhannon

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The Pope vs. Moishe

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

Oy-vey! Vonderful!

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: One to call the electrician and one to mix a pitcher of martinis.

How many Amish does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a Lightbulb?


What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?

Someone who'd not sure why they just knocked on your door.

How many Orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?

Change?? Did someone say something about change??

Dear Friends,

And how many Ukrainian Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, of course.

But he's waiting for permission from Rome before he can "see the light" once again.

Alex

A priest a minister and rabbi walk into a bar together. The bartender looks at them and says "OK, is this some kind of joke?"

Try this one.

During John XXIII's reign, a Jewish Rabbi and an Italian priest are talking.

The Rabbi asks, "so, it's true that your Savior, Jesus, he was a Jew, ya?"

"Si," answers the Italian priest.

"And his mother," continues the Rabbi, "she was Jewish."

"Si."

"And St. Joseph, Mary's husband and all the Apostles, they were Jewish, too."

"Si, si."

"OY VEY," says the Rabbi, "We Jews are so stupid."

"Per que?" asks the Italian priest.

The Rabbi looks at the priest perplexed and says, "What do you mean? Who else but a stupid nation would let the Italians get hold of such a great business as the Catholic Church?"


Yours,

kl

Or, how bout this one.

Three boys are walking along - a Catholic, a Protestant and a Jew when they meet an Irish priest.

The Irish priest, seeing an opporunity, says, I will give the one of you who $20 who can tell me who was the greatest person who ever lived.

The Catholic boy srpings up and answers "George Washington."

"Nope," says the Irish priest.

The Protestant boys jumps up and says "Albert Einstein."

"Nice try," says the Irish priest, but no.

Then the Jew stands up, and with all the confidence in the world says - "the greatest man who ever lived was St. Patrick."

The Irish priest is stunned - "absolutely correct! Here's your 20 bucks. But tell me, how did you, a Jew, know the answer when the Catholic boy did not."

"Actually," answers the Jewish boy, "the greatest man who ever lived was Moses, but business is business, so I answered St. Patrick."


Yours,

kl

Dear Friends,

Personally, I'm not comfortable with what seems to be a trend to portray Jewish people in such an unbecoming way.

Any jokes about bishops?

Alex

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Orthodox Catholic:
[QB] Dear Friends,

"Any jokes about bishops?"


None that I could tell in here! :0

Two Jesuit priests were walking down the street when they passed an Orthodox priest and his family on the corner. When they were out of earshot, one Jesuit said, shaking his head, "Imagine; a wife and six children, and they HIM "Father"!?

Dear David,

That's better!

Alex

Dear Alex:

My above-posted jokes were told by a bishop. Does that count?

Yours,

kl

OK, one about a bishop.

A bishop gets hooked on golf. Absolutely loves the game - can't get enough of it.

Eventually, he gets to the point where he feels the urge to play on a Sunday morning. So, he signs up for a 5:30 tee time thinking that he can get at least nine holes in before Liturgy.

So, Sunday comes and the bishop is out on the links. St. Peter, standing at the gates of paradise, sees this and calls to God.

"You have to punish him," says St. Peter. "You're absolutely right," replies God.

So, the bishop steps up to the next tee, a long par 5 hole. Takes out his driver and smacks a perfect shot. The ball flies beautifully through the air all the way to the green, bounces and falls right into the hole.

St. Peter looks at God perplexed and asks, "Didn't you say you were going to punish him? He just hit probably the best golf shot ever."

God replies, "Of course I punished him. Whom can he tell."


Better Alex?

kl

Dear KL,

A "score" in more ways than one!

Alex