www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Second Marriages

I have heard that there are some Eastern jurisdictions that frown on a second marriage even when it is due to death of the first wife. What dose a second church wedding look like. I heard that there are prayers that are said asking God to forgive the couple? Any clarification would be appriciated

Dear Theodore,

The model of marriage is of one marriage between two virgins who remain faithful to each other throughout both of their lives. This is the model to which the clergy are canonically held.

Obviously, some exceptions are made. If one party cheats, it is still usually better to preserve a damaged marriage, even if only for the sake of the children, than to discard it entirely. Perhaps if a clergyman or his wife is guilty of this, he will be told not to serve. If one is not a virgin prior to marriage but repents of it, "it is better to marry than to burn." Etc., etc.

The reasoning usually given for discouraging second marriages is thus:
If one had been married in the way that marriage was intended and had successfully lived many years thus blessed, why would one seek a second marriage? A certain level of maturity is required to accept this. Also, experience of a relatively wholesome marriage helps a person to accept this.

A similar type of argument has been submitted to those who reject the ever-virginity of the Most Holy Theotokos: why would the All-Blessed Mary even think for other children? However, I'm not sure that we should use that argument in this context.

The Rev. John Garvey, a theologian formerly serving St. Nicholas Albanian Orthodox Church in Queens, NY and a regular contributor to Commonweal magazine made very valid points regarding widows and widowers remaining celibate. He said that they had had successful marriages and should be satisfied with that enormous first blessing. Those who had been divorced had not yet enjoyed the blessing of a wholesome marriage (through their own fault or the fault of their spouse, or the fault of both) and thus had more of a reason to ask for a second blessing/marriage. I have to agree.

If we seek a blessing a second time when we've already received a full blessing that should have sufficed or if we seek a blessing a second time after we failed to appreciate and accept the blessing offered the first time, then in both cases we need to repent of the weakness.

For these reasons, the prayers for the second marriage are indeed penitential and the service should lack a crowning. (The first service was the full blessing.) However, this is assuming that both parties are entering a second marriage. If one Orthodox party is having a first marriage, then the prayers and crowning are all the same as for a first marriage.

I know that "these are hard sayings," but this is the tradition handed down to us.

In Christ,

I have a huge admiration for Rev John Gavey (Albanian after all ). Example of a conversion without anger, rancor or bad feelings. I like the way he explained why Orthodox should not be bitter toward the Roman Church (if we act that way we would juts be joining and copying and attitude of the Protestant American culture and its natural prejuidces against Catholics).

Dear Remie,

I wish that I could claim Father John Garvey as "one of ours" because of his brilliance and christian love, but he never claimed Albanian ancestry. He simply served that parish in Queens, NY for approx. ten years.

When we already have Mother Theresa, whom else do we need? Or as I often say, she makes up for the rest of us.

In Christ.

so the eastern church, as I'm understanding from this thread, looks down on second marriages in any case? Is it true that one can never marry more than three times, as I've heard somewhere? Can one get an annullment in the Eastern church?

I am surprised that one important aspect of an eastern marriage has not been mentioned so far. An eastern marriage is viewed as lasting for all eternity, not just until death. That makes the idea of a second marriage more difficult to rationalize. Implicit in the second marriage is an unfaithfulness to one's first spouse, but imperial pressures forced the patriarch of Constantinople to allow additional marriages, probably for preservation of the royal line. So, it passed into general use.

Eastern marriage theology differs from the west. There are whole books on the topic. An Orthodox bishop can approve up to 3 weddings, the other 2 having ended in death or divorce, but the ceremonies differ. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Eastern Catholics follow ground rules like their Latin counterparts with regard to annulments, etc. though the wedding ceremony is pretty much the same as the Orthodox outside Rome.

As to annulments within Orthodoxy, I have not read about that. Perhaps one of the Orthodox fathers here will shed more light.

Another point which seems to be in need of clarification is that in the Latin Church, divorced/remarried couples can no longer receive Communion as they are considered living in sin/adultry. Is it true that in the Byzantine Church a divorced/remarried couple CAN receive Communion so long as their (second) marriage was blessed in the church?

As far as the Orthodox rule goes, yes provided the Ecclesiastical Divorce and permission for the second marriage has been given. Someone from the Eastern Catholic side would also have to give input to this.

In IC XC,
Father Anthony+

Given the marriage theology in eastern church is eternal, not separated even by death of one spouse, and Eastern Catholics keeps the the same theology as the Orthodox Church, can anyone enlighten me about the annulment process in Eastern Catholic church?

From my perspective, the logical conlusion will be ecclesiastical divorce, since first marriage will be held as valid. But as far as I know, Eastern Catholics adopt annulment.

In what area the annulment process is differ from the Latin annulment, and how this can be compatible with Eastern theology of marriage?

Thank you very much

Both approaches are flawed, both are open to abuses, and much work is needed to reconcile them before reunion is possible. Indeed, after birth control, this is the Big One; when all the theological minuteia are settled, it is these practical problems that will bog us down...
-Daniel

As a widow, I have been struggling with a response ever since I first saw this thread. This is more than just a matter of theological debate for me; it has genuine personal significance.

My dear husband and I were married in the way it was intended, but we were not blessed with many years. Why should I not want such joy and love in my life again? Our marriage was healthy and strong, our love mature and life-giving. Our children are young and need a father. Where is the sin in desiring to raise my children in a 2-parent household? Where is the sin in my not wanting to live the next 40 years (or however long God grants me) without a joyous and loving relationship centered in Christ? And if there is no sin, why should a second marriage ceremony be penitential in nature?

Absolutely. As he and I were fond of saying to each other, I will love my beloved husband always and forever unto ages of ages. I am forever joined to him and I yearn for the day when we are reunited.

My dear husband and I always knew we were called to be husband and wife to each other, just as Christ calls the Church to be His Bride. We always understood that we revealed the love of God to each other in a foretaste of paradise, just as the Divine Liturgy offers us a taste of the Heavenly Banquet.

But what are we to do with Jesus' own words that in the resurrected life men and women do not marry but are as angels? (Matthew 23, Mark 12, Luke 20) How is our vocation to marriage changed if we are no longer married after the resurrection? And what am I to do now? Our flesh became as one, and half of my being has been ripped from me. Is it not possible that our Lord might choose to bless me with another spouse, without sacrificing my fidelity to my first love? Could not a second marriage also bear witness to Christ's undying love for His Church, to His tender mercy for those who suffer?

If I had a Protestant heart, I might say that the teachings described in previous posts were obviously made by men who had never known the Holy Mystery of Marriage, and who had never endured the loss of the one they loved more than life itself. As it is, I can only say, "Lord, I believe. Teach my unbelief."

-- Penthaetria, in humility and pain

An aside to those who know me: Please do not interpret this post as meaning that I seek a new husband, and please do not discuss this post in that light with others who know me. My grief still runs deep, and who could compare with the man I lost? But one way or another, I must answer these questions in my heart.

Dear Friends,
Christ is among us!
Although the various Byzantine Churches certainly uphold the unique nature and ideal of the First marriage, second marriages have been permitted even in the early centuries of the Church. This was a cause of controversy for some, but the practice was wide spread. In some cases a penance was given, but the Byzantine Church developed and continues to have a Second Marriage ceremony. It is an interesting mixture of joy and repentance, and in some Byzantine traditions even the crowning is permitted.

If a person is widowed, and wishes to remarry, they should not be made to believe by their priest or others, that what they are asking for something sinful. Perhaps it is a paradox, but while we uphold the ideal of the first marriage, we also rejoice in the union of the second marriage. (properly understood) Orthodox Christianity is full of many paradoxes, we should not be surprized at this one.

Regarding Byzantine Catholic and other Eastern Catholic jurisdictions, the Oriental Code primarily follows the teaching and practices of the Latin Church in annulling marriages that have ended in civil divorce. This is clearly a Latinization, that has not yet been removed from the Eastern Catholic Churches. The Latin Churches understanding of decrees of nullity only make sense when using the Latin Church's understanding that the couple are the ministers of the sacrament to each other. Since this is NOT the Byzantine Christian understanding of Marriage, such nullities are legal nonsense from a theological point of view. A decree of Nullity from a Byzantine Christian perspective means that the minister of marriage is defective, in this case the priest! Hopefully Byzantine Catholics and other Eastern Catholics will be able to compel their hierarchs to reject this latinization and return to the Pastoral practice of the other Eastern Churches.
In Christ, the most unworthy,
Fr. Vladimir

Thank you for the your response, Fr. Vladimir.

This is also what I think of.

Is Eastern Catholic annulment basically same as the Latin, or there is adaptation?

I mean, is the substance still ecclesiastical divorce, but the name is called annulment?

Also, if an Eastern Catholic got annulment, will the second marriage have penitential nuance or simply regarded as first marriage?

Thanks

Dear Paenthaetria,
Evlogia Kyriou! Please set your mind at rest and prepare yourself to receive the good gifts that God has for you - whatever those good gifts may be (and I don't claim to know). As for the specific matter of the ritual of a second marriage:

In many disciplines this ritual is seldom used - normally only if it is a second marriage for both spouses. However, there are specific phrases in the first marriage service which would make it inappropriate for use in a second marriage (because this would involve making statements contrary to fact in a church service). This can create a liturgical problem of sorts, which can usually be resolved with enough time and a good pastoral relationship (to take an example from secular life, the bride at a second marriage does not usually wear orange blossoms and a veil, but this does not imply that there is anything wrong with her!).

To give you an extreme example of why some adjustment may be necessary, I was once singing in the choir at a wedding - the bride was nearly 50, had become a grandmother the previous week, and was decked out in wedding dress, veil, orange blossoms and (contrary to our liturgical practice) came down the aisle on the arm of her aged father. She insisted on the full first-marriage ceremony, which led to quite a few smiles and more than one snicker at the reference to "may they see their children's children" - since one such was available for viewing in a nearby hospital! I think we can all grasp that this was a ridiculous piece of mockery that should not have been allowed. The couple could have been married quite nicely with a more, ah, suitable ceremony (a fifty-year old matron does not dress up like a teenage girl). I won't even tell you what went on at the reception; just take it from me that you don't want to know!

But the solution is not to make prospective spouses feel unworthy, save in the sense that all spouses are unworthy. Again, be prepared to rejoice in God's gifts for you and to welcome those gifts, whatever they may be. Evlogia Kyriou!

Incognitus