www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Humor---Hospital Charts

Actual writings on hospital charts:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

ROFL One that I particularly liked from Ship of Fools was about a musician priest who took a keyboard to a meeting of a church women's group.
The church bulletin reported on it something like this:
"The Vicar spent the last half hour of the meeting entertaining the ladies with his little organ. They were all delighted, and are hoping that he will come again next month."

Now Joe, I thought you were all business. Funny how ideas change. Thanks for the laughs!

Pani Rose

ByzanTn-
Do you mean shipoffools.com?
Did you ever visit that virtual church?
I think it would be a great idea to set up a Byzantine church site like that!

Marya

The virtual church can be a little hard to get into sometimes, since so many people are trying to log into it. I love ship of fools and think it's hilarious. Signs and blunders is one of my favorite parts of the site. Yes, it's

ship of fools [ship-of-fools.com]

For an Orthodox perspective, The Onion Dome is equally funny.

Onion Dome [theoniondome.com]

Joe,
The list is hilarious!!ROFL

Recently someone told me the story of a man who went to the hospital and the staff and the patient were in an uproar because no one staff Klingon!!!

Peace

ByzTn
I just looked at the ship site. The virtual church closed on 9/26 until further notice :-(
Haven't checked the Onion Dome site. Now THAT would be one spectacular virtual site!

Marya

Joe,

Funeeeee -- like some of the recent commercials on t.v. Anyway, this was a good laugh break in my day today.

Thanks.

Mary Jo...numb from the toes down...

gtJC!

ROFLOL
Laughing so hard I'm almost crying.

no. 3 about tossed me off my chair, so did a few others.

thanks friend!!!!

toodles & God bless, sUSAn