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I think we need to get ready to consecrate Irish Melkite...  These are all great! Alex, surely NOT??? :rolleyes: Gaudior, in astonishment!
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Originally posted by Orthodox Catholic: P.S. All of the above have actually been said to one of our bishops at one time or another  Originally posted by Gaudior:
Alex, surely NOT??? Gaudior, I too can testify to having heard a few of my lines addressed to hierarchs  , although not by presbyteral candidates  Many years, Neil
"One day all our ethnic traits ... will have disappeared. Time itself is seeing to this. And so we can not think of our communities as ethnic parishes, ... unless we wish to assure the death of our community."
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Neil...
The popcorn in the censer happened...And Lentz has sadly made Tolkein a saint.
More than that, I will not say.
Gaudior...
"There are more things on Heaven and Earth, Horatio, then are dreamt of in your philosophy."
William Shakespeare...Hamlet
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LOL I have to tip my hat to you all. You've all got a great sense of humor. Maybe I should spend more time learning from you. Popcorn in the censer. Now there's something to think about. Think I'll just copy this whole thread and save it for later study. I believe that you all pray for your bishops. Sometimes I get too serious, especially since our parish just "roasted" our bishop last Sunday. He came for Liturgy and then volunteered to answer questions about the sex abuse situation here. I missed it, but they tell me he was grilled with no holds barred for over an hour afterward. BOB P.S.: Does it count if you've said "I've been thrown out of classier places than this" when threatened with excommunication?
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Dear Gaudior, Uh-huh . . . Alex
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---------------------------------------------
INTERNET CONSECRATION CERTIFICATE
TO: Irish Melkite
FROM: The Ultrajectine Ministry Assoc., Inc
of the ORCOGCARC.
This Certificate hereby grants you ordination to all minor and major Orders and creates you Patriarch of The Old Roman Catholic Orthodox Greek Catholic Anglican rite Church, Inc. with all the powers,titles, rights, priviledges, authority, and jurisdiction.
Being 10 Wednesday 2004.
Signed: President of the Synod of Bishops ORCOGCARC, Metropolitan Irenei Bruce
Signed: Secretary/Chancellor, Archpriest Stephen "Markowitz" Hoboday-Scott
MEMO:
Your Holiness CONGRATULATIONS and MANY YEARS!
----------------------------------------------
(Disclaimer: for entertainment purposes only)
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Dear Robert,
As someone who has helped name vagante jurisdictions before, I must protest the use of the word "Catholic" twice in your title!
Once is enough . . .
And if Neil is in communion with Rome, then it is "Your Beatitude."
Some years back, I consecrated Mor Ephrem as Catholicos of New Orleans and the South in a similar fashion, although Phil had to kiss his computer mouse thrice and kneel for the reading of the words of consecration . . .
Entertainment or not, Phil continues to bear the title of Catholicos to this day.
One just never knows for sure about these things.
Neil is fully consecrated as far as I'm concerned.
He is, after all, a man of one wife and fulfills all other episcopal requirements . . .
Congratulations, Your Beatitude!
Alex
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Now that a Patriarch has been chosen lets see who can go for Supreme Pontiff Now we will try the Latin POV: In a distincively Latin manner list 10 ways you can "burn your bridge" with the bishop: and NEVER get ordained. (To spin this you can do either a Novus Ordo bishop or a SSPX bishop). Good Luck!
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1. Tell the truth; never beat around the bush and let it be known that you don�t appreciate those who blow smoke where the sun doesn�t shine.
2. Let it be known right from the start that you are no hand-kissing sycophant.
3. Always ask for clarifications and/or instructions to be put in writing; and always send correspondence via certified mail.
4. Convey one�s priority of family before ministry, especially if one�s wife has a miscarriage and they still want your schoolwork done on time.
5. Question any contradictions, especially if three clerics say five different things; keep pushing for answers and let them know you will continue until you get at least one straight answer.
6. Be outspoken about homosexuality as being a sin and ask if he will demand from his priests a promise not to practice it in addition to the promise of celibacy.
7. Say you want to be a married priest like the other guys nobody talks about openly for fear of the ... Romans.
8. Write a few 10-page letters refuting the lies one gets from eparchial officials.
9. Never let up asking for answers that were promised; remind them on a periodic basis until they either call you a pushy-good-for-nothing or actually give up and tell you to do your own thing because incompetent imbeciles with long-winded titles and fancy religious jewelry can�t find their way out of a paper bag.
10. Ask if he takes the Vatican documents and papal encyclicals seriously like the last guy as well as the question, "Who picked you to be bishop?"
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OMG! LOLOL That is hilariously not funny! Sam Alex writes: 10) Sing loudly the "Many Years" at the end of the Liturgy for all the hierarchs, but remain mum when it comes to your own bishop as you stand beside him...P.S. All of the above have actually been said to one of our bishops at one time or another
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Ten ways to burn your bridges with a Novus Ordo bishop:
1]Pray the Divine Office in Latin [especially effective in community prayer when everyone else is praying in English].
2]Make your own surplice out of old doilies.
3]Denounce the rector of your seminary as a closeted homosexual [especially if there is no evidence of this].
4]Refuse to take the seminary's psychological tests and call Scientology for free legal representation in the ensuing lawsuit.
5]Insist on addressing your bishop as "your dominance".
6]In canon law class, when discussing the canon which dictates automatic suspension of a cleric for striking a bishop, ask the teacher "what if it is in self defense?"
7]Inform the bishop that you feel "called to work with young boys".
8]Wear sunglasses when assisting at Mass.
9]Ask him "so...who did you sleep with to get where you are?"
10][My one serious entry]: Live according to your conscience and speak your mind instead of trembling and kissing ass in the seminary.
-Daniel the former Roman seminarian [I left willingly, honest]
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Originally posted by iconophile:
10][My one serious entry]: Live according to your conscience and speak your mind instead of trembling and kissing ass in the seminary.
-Daniel the former Roman seminarian [I left willingly, honest] Daniel, Did we attend the same feminary ... err, seminary? [popular term back then] Joe
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Joe- I doubt it; I actually attended a very good seminary; there was no obvious homosexual subculture and the doctrine was essentially sound. It was mind-numbingly reminiscent of high school, though, and only a couple of teachers encouraged intellectual activity on the part of the seminarians.
By the way, I don't think it far-fetched at all that JRR Tolkien is a saint, along with Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy and GK Chesterton, maybe in some weird way even Francis Thompson. [Of these only Tolkien has had an "icon' written of him by Mr Lentz.]
Lentz has, however, "canonized" some pretty unlikely characters:Harvey Milk, Steve Biko, ML King, Albert Einstein, Liberace. Okay, so I'm joking about Liberace. And didn't Fr William Hart McNichols write an "icon" of Princess Di? And one of Matthew Shepherd?
Oh, those Jesuits...
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Originally posted by Gaudior: I think we need to get ready to consecrate Irish Melkite...
Let's direct Neil to the following website for episcopal consecration: Bishops R Us [ angelfire.com]
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Iconophile: You forgot St. MERLIN. :p Yes, THE Merlin...out of King Arthur. Lentz is a bit, ummm, round the twist. Gaudior, starting in this one instance to feel some sympathy with the iconoclasts....MERLIN!!!! 
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