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Mar 25th, 2025
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Originally posted by Deacon John Montalvo: Let's direct Neil to the following website for episcopal consecration:
Bishops R Us [angelfire.com] Well, for goodness sake! :rolleyes:
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Joined: Mar 2002
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Daniel, if you are adding Chesterton to the Synaxarion I want to also add my hero Hilaire Belloc!  "Wherever the Catholic son doth shine There's lots of laugther and good red wine At least I've always found it so Benedicamus Domino!" Belloc
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Well Belloc was less obviously holy; a bit on the prickly side, don't you think? But then Jerome is a saint, so who knows...
Ten ways to burn your bridges with a SSPX bishop:
1]Plaster your car with "smile God loves you" and "are you ready for the Rapture?" bumperstickers.
2]Have a fiddleback chasuble custom made, decorated with embroidered smiley faces.
3]Insist on calling the bishop by his first name, as in "Wassup, Chuck?"
4]Compose a recessional hymn: "Have a Nice Day, Yahweh."
5]Bring your guitar to Gregorian chant practice.
6]Start humming "Kumbaya" quietly during exposition of the Blessed Sacrament.
7]Take the bishop aside and inform him that the Holy Spirit has blessed you with the charismatic gifts of the Word of Knowledge and Discernment of Spirits and if he needs any advice he should feel free to give you a call.
8]Call the bishop at three in the morning to tell him you just had a vision of the Blessed Mother and she told you to call him for further instructions.
9]Start talking in tongues during the holy hour.
10]Organize a pilgrimage for your fellow seminarians to Medugorje.
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Another ten ways to burn your bridges with a SSPX bishop:
1]Organize the Gay Traditionalist Alliance. Print your newsletter in Latin.
2]Brag to the other seminarians about your nipple piercings.
3]Wear eyeliner to class.
4]Start a Goth band called "the Daughters of Trent".
5]Have a fiddleback chasuble made, embroidered with little skulls.
6]"Do you think this cassock makes my ass look fat?"
7]Take the bishop aside, tell him you have heard the rumors of his Jewish ancestry. Assure him you will not hold this against him.
8]Inform him that you have just fathered an illegitimate child and that you have named him "Marcel".
9]Ask the bishop if the Society's insurance will cover sex change operations. "Just curious, your excellency."
10]Wear a black leather cassock.
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Iconophile: That is THE funniest "you-know-what" I have ever read! I am going to print it off and put it on my refrigerator! UNBELIEVEABLE!
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Hmmm...I think we consecrate Iconophile on that note!
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I will settle for nothing less than the papacy!
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Sorry, folks.Call me old fashioned or a reactionary bigot, but I have a problem with some of the humor here.
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Bless, Father Al! Consecration or Excommunication? That is the question....
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10 ways to annoy Latin Trads when you're an Eastern who regularly appears at Trad RC circles and services: 1) Crossing oneself the right-left way. 2) Pronouncing the Latin in a Classical or a Mediaeval manner - neither of them uses the "chees" and "chaws" of the Italian proununciation. Very effective when one is part of the chant schola. 3) Crossing oneself at the "Glory be to the Father..." and all places where one would cross oneself in eastern texts. 4) Roundly condemn the idea of women priests together whenever the topic is mentioned, and loudly say how restoring the female Diaconate would solve many problems. 5) Refusing to kneel on Sundays and Paschaltide or the Great Feasts. 6) Happily sing the Credo loudly with them, then clam up when the F-word is sung. Excellent again when one is in the chant schola. 7) Have a very obviously non-Latin prayerbook all through Mass. Most effective if it's the St Alban's version, reprinted by St Vlad's, as it's purple with large words "A Manual Of Eastern Orthodox Prayers" on it. 8) When appointed to be the Greek Choir for the Good Friday Reproaches, sing the "Αγιος ο Θεος" in a Byzantine manner, with the microtonal inflections and elaborate ornamentation. Without prior warning. 9) Congratulate everyone on Julian calendar feasts. 10) Whenever they mention the Latin Mass Society, speculate whether in the days when the liturgical language of the Roman rite was changed from Greek into Latin, there was formed a Greek Mass Society. Yes, I'm guilty of all the above
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Originally posted by Edward Yong: 10 ways to annoy Latin Trads when you're an Eastern who regularly appears at Trad RC circles and services:
1) Crossing oneself the right-left way.
2) Pronouncing the Latin in a Classical or a Mediaeval manner - neither of them uses the "chees" and "chaws" of the Italian proununciation. Very effective when one is part of the chant schola.
3) Crossing oneself at the "Glory be to the Father..." and all places where one would cross oneself in eastern texts.
4) Roundly condemn the idea of women priests together whenever the topic is mentioned, and loudly say how restoring the female Diaconate would solve many problems.
5) Refusing to kneel on Sundays and Paschaltide or the Great Feasts.
6) Happily sing the Credo loudly with them, then clam up when the F-word is sung. Excellent again when one is in the chant schola.
7) Have a very obviously non-Latin prayerbook all through Mass. Most effective if it's the St Alban's version, reprinted by St Vlad's, as it's purple with large words "A Manual Of Eastern Orthodox Prayers" on it.
8) When appointed to be the Greek Choir for the Good Friday Reproaches, sing the "Αγιος ο Θεος" in a Byzantine manner, with the microtonal inflections and elaborate ornamentation. Without prior warning.
9) Congratulate everyone on Julian calendar feasts.
10) Whenever they mention the Latin Mass Society, speculate whether in the days when the liturgical language of the Roman rite was changed from Greek into Latin, there was formed a Greek Mass Society.
Yes, I'm guilty of all the above In all seriousness, what would be the reaction on this forum if a trad RC, SSPX or no, parodied this list, calling it "10 ways to annoy Eastern Catholics when you're a trad Lat visiting an Eastern Parish?" OS
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One doesn't even have to be Catholic, Roman or otherwise, to get that list: Ask, "Are you Catholic?" "No, really, are you Catholic?" "C'mon, tell me the truth... are you REALLY Catholic?" "So, let me get this straight, you ARE Catholic?" "You're Catholic? Really? Could have fooled me!" "Are you Catholic? Under the Pope and everything?" "If you're REALLY Catholic, where are the wafers?" "Now, stop kidding with me and tell me the truth: ARE YOU CATHOLIC?" "If you truly are Catholic, can I fulfill my Sunday obligation here, or do I have to go to Mass after this?" "Between you and me, are you really Catholic?" 
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My only objection to Chtec's list is that it's not a joke; these things actually happen. I could cite only too many melancholy examples of them.
However, perhaps we should give a prize for the participant who can offer us the snappiest answer to the question "are you a Catholic?". Maybe something like "what made you think I was from California?"
Incognitus
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Joined: Nov 2001
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Aha - can add to the list "What do you mean your Priest is married ? Proper Priests are celibate." :p Anhelyna
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Joined: Jul 2002
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Dear incognitus, How about "I recently attended one of your Masses. Are you sure *you're* Catholic?"
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