Originally posted by J Thur:
Why are you a Christian?
Joe
Dear Joe,
I am a Christian because I have come to experience Jesus Christ, and I have come to believe in Him
Allow me to explain.
I was raised in a good, loving, Roman Catholic family.
By age 17, however, I had serious doubts: mostly because of my passions for sex, money and success. For about the next 10 years or so, I was nominally a Catholic. I called myself one, and I hung a cross on the wall, but I only attended Mass occasionally, and I did not keep the moral law.
Next, I got involved in New Age and then Wicca (witchcraft), It seemed to have a mystical understanding of life that nevertheless made no demand against the passions. Several years, a divorce and some set backs later, I came to realize that Wicca had no substance and my life was a mess. Specifically, my life was a mess because I insisted on living life my way, instead of God�s way. At that point, I wasn�t even sure *what* God was. I just knew that there was a God. So, on 31 October 2000, I gave myself over to God. Then, I began praying every day to know the Truth.
That prayer was answered over the next two years.
Since I was a pagan, I began by studying the writings of a pagan religion that did have substance: Hinduism. Specifically, I began studying the Vedas, the Bhagavad Gita and, especially, the Upanishads. God bless them: if it hadn�t been for Hinduism, I would never have found the Gospel. That is because I began to realize just *what* God is: the Infinite One. He Is. And, He is infinitely beyond all, infinitely within all and infinitely with all. All else is real but passing. Hence, the purpose of life, is to live in ever greater union with God: for God Is, and God is not passing. In other words, I found the problem defined that I had been facing: There is no satisfaction in the finite; there is only satisfaction in the infinite. And, hence, as the Isha Upanishad called: Renounce and Rejoice.
However, Hinduism is an ethnic religion. A person must usually be born into it in order to practice it. So, I began to look for a way to practice the best of Hinduism without becoming a Hindu.
That led me to Buddhism. I didn�t spend much time in researching Buddhism because I quickly discovered three things. The pure form (Theravada) is agnostic at best. The popular form (Mahayana) makes the man, Buddha, into an incarnation of God. That took the Buddhists 600 years to figure out. And, third, the thought occurred to me: �If that is what Buddhism concluded after 600 years, maybe I should look at Christianity: which *started* with that idea regarding Jesus.�
So, I took a fresh look at the Gospel. I discovered that Jesus was a man. Yet, Jesus taught with authority, Jesus worked miracles, and (most importantly) Jesus forgave people�s sins -- as if **He** were the offended party. He also claimed to be the Son of God --the Messiah-- and He claimed to have risen from the dead. In the words of C.S. Lewis (in �Mere Christianity�), Jesus was either a liar, a lunatic or exactly what he said He was.
That, though, was my process of conversion in my head. It was the process of conversion in my heart that made the crucial difference.
By March 2001, I had taken seriously ill; and I was an invalid. My mother and my sister, whom I had so often hurt, took care of me. Day after day, for months, they took patient and loving care of me. And, when I would ask, they would say simply that they loved me and they took their strength form the Gospel.
That did it. I knew that I had to investigate this Jesus Christ whom my mom and sister claimed gave them His love and strength to take care of me . . . and so many others. Hence, I engaged in my intellectual investigation which I described above. Also, I was still praying every day to know the Truth. The verse in which Jesus claimed to be the Way, the Truth and the Life struck me very powerfully: especially with my knowledge of what those terms mean in East Asian religions. In short, Jesus was claiming to be what those religions anticipated, and He seemed to be operating through my mom and my sister (and my illness) to take care of me.
What was left was a decision. It was a decision of faith, to respond to what I had been given.
So, in March of 2002, I acknowledged to Jesus my faith in Him; and I asked Him to forgiver me my sins, and I asked Him to be lord of my life.
(By the way, I have the evangelical Protestants to thank for that. I made my confession of faith and sins by myself. There was no way, at that time, that I was going to go to a Catholic priest! Going back to Jesus was a big enough hurdle for me to jump. Yet, the Evangelical Protestants taught, over TV, that such a prayer --if made from the heart- was enough to get things started. And, it was. Although I have come to believe that the Protestants are lacking the Eucharist and the Tradition, I will always bless them for telling the simple, life-giving truth of conversion to Jesus Christ.)
Then, I had to decide what kind of Christina I would become. I investigated all three branches of Christianity: Protestantism, Catholicism and Orthodoxy. I had already experienced the Eucharist while growing up, so I knew that I wanted to be part of a Eucharistic Church. That meant the Episcopalians, the Catholics or the Orthodox. The Episcopalians seemed to have forgotten what to do with the Eucharist: because they seemed to be involved in everything but the Eucharist as the center of their lives and because of the gay clergy issue. So, that left the Catholics and the Orthodox. There were no Orthodox Churches in my town, and I had grown up Catholic, and my family is Catholic, and so on; also I accepted the idea that Jesus established the papacy as a means of guaranteeing the faith and the unity of Christians. So, I cam back to the Catholic Church.
However, I still didn�t understand how to *live* as a Christian. Thank Christ Almighty, He sent me my spiritual director (who also was the priest who heard my confession and received me back into the Church). He is a b-ritual priest and a member of the Ukrainian Catholic Church. He introduced me to the Eastern side of Christianity, and its wisdom, and theosis. He did so with true gentleness and firmness and knowledge of the Holy Spirit. And, I finally found what I had been looking for (and so often running away from): a practical way to be mystical and to grow in union with God. That was at the end of March, 2002; and I have been very grateful to God for showing me His Truth and mercy.
Now, I have many troubles and issues to still work through; but that is beyond the scope of this essay. Let is suffice to say that I am continually being asked by Christ to Trust Him more and more. But, when I get tempted to give it all up and quit, I remember what I recounted above and how Jesus revealed Himself to me and how He helped me come to believe in Him and follow Him.
Sorry if this account isn�t polished, but I have to finish this and then get to Mass. :-)
God Bless.
--John
Gordo, who is also still practicing