www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Anti-Catholic Spouses?

Do any of you have anti-Catholic spouses? If so how do you deal with it?

I have a few friends with that problem. It seems to go one of two ways (if we're talking about one Orthodox/Catholic person and the other being either areligious or anti-Catholic):

1. The O/C person slowly gets the other person to see reason.
2. There is no conversion and the family suffers. Every religious occasion becomes bothersome or painful so that the two are separated by an invisible wall or bicker all the time.

To put this in personal context... my wife's parents never came together so as a result she wasn't baptized until she was 12. My father on the other hand was able to bring his wife into orthodoxy from a very anti-Catholic/Orthodox denomination. I could post a lot of trite "conversion of the heart" "in God's time" etc. warm-fuzzy one liners, but I don't think that would be helpful. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

You learn to cope with it.

You do what you can .

My husband declares that he does not believe - but he does support me and actually makes sure I get to church whenever it is possible .

There are things I would like to do - but I don't because of my situation.

You must never ever push. If the non Catholic / Orthodox spouse is ever to come into the Church it has to be in their time not necessarily yours.

The situation is not restricted to spouses who are of another persuasion. Sometimes it can be that one's trial is with a spouse who is not as committed--someone who is "on the surface" if you will--to the Faith and its practice in the home.

My family is German Catholic and my spouse's Italian. Her father told her once that she should never pray with me because I didn't pray like he and the rest of her family did. He told me to my face that he had done so, too.

But Father Corapi made the statement on his EWTN program the other night that part of the purpose of marriage is to rub the rough edges off of each of us so as to prepare us for Heaven. Lots to think about there. It dovetails with the idea that each of us is here to be polished for eternity. Like a diamond, we are here to have all our experiences prepare us to become either bitter or better--better is more Christ-like since we have put Him on in Baptism.

But maybe this is something that needs to be addressed in our faith communities. Too many marry and wonder why they have such trouble. I'd venture that one's faith life needs to be of greater importance and needs to be talked about in the courting process. I know of many who have married with the attraction and measures of this world only to fall away because the spouse is anti-Catholic or anti-Orthodox or even anti-Christian. This is soemthing that many evangelical Protestants do emphasize with their young people--that one's faith walk is important enough that one does not become "unevenly yoked with unbelievers."


Addai:

You need to talk abut this problem, if you have it, and make it clear that this is part of who you are. You need to be firm and then you need to seek counsel from your priest confessor. Life can be unnecessarily harsh if you see this early on in your marriage and allow it to just float along. If you think it is tough now, wait until you begin to fight over having your child become part of Christ in the Church.

BOB

Thanks all.




Well in my case I'm more of a "would be" convert. After some personal issues, and looking at relocating to another area (most likely Austin) and some spiritual searching and prayer I've really believe deep down that the Maronite Church is probably the right place for me (I've already bought and read their Catechism and have done other research).


My spouse is also a Orthodox convert (largely due to me but claims she would have done it even if we had broken up when we were dating). And she seems to be using the Orthodox polemics against Catholicism to try to "spit in my soup" as far my looking at the Maronites and East Catholics in general (She has trouble going to church without me and is trying to prevent us from going to seperate churches in the future). She is not normally anti-Catholic. But as I joked with her a few days ago, she is starting to sound like an EO version of Ann Culter.


I think my decision is sign up with the Maronite Catechuman class when the time comes as planned, but also attend as many services with her as I can with one of the EO "New Calendar" parishes in Austin (Which are mostly Antiochian, except for a Greek parish).

Addai,

Perhaps you could introduce her to some of the members of the Maronite Church where you will attend - there are bound to be cousins of some Maronites who are members of the neighboring Antiochian Church. If she sees them getting along, maybe she'll also feel comfortable. I've found the majority of both Maronites and Antiochians to be accomodating to these kinds of situations, both in and outside of Church.

Cool I didn't think about the possibility of mutual relatives belonging to each parish... even though I did realize that both parishes (St. Elias and "Our Lady") mirror each other coming from the same ethnic region and both being Panethnic as well, and both on the surface look very friendly to non ethnics and inquirers.


Right now she claims she "will never convert" based on the usual EO reasons philioque, Vat II affect on the liturgy, liberal catholics etc.

Addia,
The Lord be with you.

As I read your posts its like I'm looking in a mirror almost. The only difference is that my wife is protestant, Methodist. I too came from that church and was actually received the Sacrament of Confirmation, Roman Rite last Sat.

I was actually newly married serving in Iraq four years ago when I started inquiring about the Catholic Faith. I came home from war and told my wife. Needless to say she's devistated. But who do I be true to? God or man? I have been studing for many years and despite much contempt from her and her family I went to RCIA and joined the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church on Corpus Christi Vigil. My wife too is anti Catholic and has said many times she will not convert and neither will our daughter. Our baby is almost 8 mos and my wife won't let me even take her to Mass with me. She has the common protestant anti Catholic misconceptions about the Holy Father, our Blessed Mother, Holy Eucharist, etc. Its frustrating because we never get anywhere when we try and talk about it. This is a very emotional thing for her and if dhe didn't truly love me she would have been gone by now. Her parents are anti as well and they have great influence over her to some degree.

I pray we will be one at the Lords table someday.

I'm struggling too so if anyone can help I'd greatly appreciate it. Hang in there. I'm always told to love my wife as Christ loves the Church.

IgnatiusBenedictus

Addia

I forgot to mention that another reason your post reminded me of my situation is that I too am making an attempt to still go with my wife to her services. I don't know how this will work yet cause we haven't been doing it long. In my mind I thought it was a nice gesture to my wife, well see how it works.
The nice thing about your wife is that she's from an ancient Church very similar to ours. So when you go with her you may not fulfill your obligation to the Church but you will be nourished with the ancient liturgy minus the Eucharist of course. I on the other hand have to sit through a "watered down" protestant service. (Forgive me if I'm not charitable with that comment). But in honesty it is really hard for me to sit through Methodist services. I make this sacrifice for my wife and daughters sake.

Email me sometime or we can call to talk. Its really tough as we know. We need each other.

Buruk atta bashame Adoni.

IgnatiusBenedict

Thanks for your posts Ignatius!

I was so glad to see your post. I have been being drawn to the catholic church and have been wondering if you are married if only one spouse could attend RCIA? My husband is not supportive and I have been studying on my own but I want to attend RCIA.

Jan53,

Your spouse is not supportive of you becoming Catholic? I became Catholic on Corpus Christi this year and I too suffer from a wife who does not understand or agree with it. Keep in contact.

IgnatiusBenedict

I have been reading the CHNI forum, it seems to be a bit of a problem for many. Sadly

Wow, I found this thread and had to jump in. In November I am marring a Penecostal. We are in love and are both divorced. We have been dating for 3 years and I love her daughters too as if they were my own. I am 36 and she is 30 and we are both very strong in Christ our Savior. Faith is a struggle, but it comes down to respect. Plus I have a great chance at teaching her daughters about the saints and Mary and my faith. I think they realy like it! Hehehe.

I am a cradle Byzantine and she was a non practicing RC who turned to Penecostal by her family. All I have to say is pray for us. The compramises are bruttle sometimes!

I will pray, Stivvy, that they are converted.

Take it slowly. My husband received the Holy Sacraments of Initiation: Baptism, Confirmation, and Holy Communion within one month of our marriage. I did not push him. He really wanted to be of the same faith.