www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall The Zen of Sarcasm

I got this in an email today, don't agree with a lot of it, but there is humor in the sarcasm - so it is good to laugh at ourselves, but I like the duct tape one. My daughter used it for everything as she was growing up. One year she wrapped her brother up in for a costume for something. If she wanted to get/tease/whatever a good friend on their birthday, she would totally wrap their present up in it. She is 25 now, says there is nothing you can't use duct tape for. Needless to say, we always have a good supply of duct tape about the house

The Zen of Sarcasm

01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

02.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

03. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Some of them are funny...some not so much.

I like the one that says: "Everyone seems normal until you get to know them". Isn't that so true!!

Re: duct tape--my daughter made/created a 'duct tape' wallet when she was fifteen and it was so popular, that a few of her classmates commissioned ones for themselves.

Regards,
Alice

Some of these remind me of Robert Heinlein, who was a passed master of the art!

Fr. Serge

Why am I not surprised you would be a fan of Heinlein? Good stuff--and way ahead of his time, too.

Tim

Some of these are words to live by, for me anyway...in particular: 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 19....the one I love though...."A closed mouth gathers no foot...." ah, if only I would remember that one when I need it.

Слава Ісусу Христу!

May I add a few of my favorites “witticisms”;

Watch what you ask for, you may get it.

God answers all payers, some yes others no. Either answer can make you miserable.

Do as the priest does when he is at the alter, do as he says when he is not. (My Daddy’s favorite)

The cripple’s good foot climbs to heaven while their bad leads to hell. (stair therapy)

It is not what goes into your mouth that will send you to hell, it’s what comes from it. (My Grandmother’s favorite)

If you can’t say something nice be sure the silence is loud enough for all to hear.

Don’t crap where you eat.

Receive and cross yourself with your right hand, discard and wipe with the left.

The Good Lord doesn’t want them, the devil’s afraid of them and we are to love them.

Guest in the house God in the home.

God became man so man could become godly. (St Clement of Alexandria)

God only knows and like all good news He will reveal it as it happens.

If you are right and they cannot understand you are doing it wrong.

Essentials unity, nonessentials liberty, both lovingly. (St. Augustine)

Communist failed because they tried to give heaven on earth, The church survived because they taught heaven on earth.

Even if you’re a half hour late for church you will still leave an hour later

Church is relevant, for some an hour is too much while others two are not enough but all will listen to the sermon only as long as their derriere can bear.

He always agrees with the priest’s sermons, I watch his head bob up and down.

On Easter the priest feed pascha bread to the pigs because the people finally feed the beggars.

If Christ had not risen only the tavern keepers would be busy at this hour.

Good works without faith is more Christian than faith without good works.

When God says no you should say ok, when He says yes you should ask the way.

To error is human, to forgive is divine but to forget is only benign in due time.

If you miss a wake send a card, if you add a check all will be forgiven.

If one is beautiful an excess is heavenly.

If once is Godly doing it thrice is Christian.

God knows the cross you can bear because He bore it first.

When your children are getting the better of you talk to the mother of a teenage God. (Luke 2:49)

When God closes the door His Mother opens a window and St. Nicholas gets a ladder.

My laugh for the day,Pani Rose. The first one is such a millenium twist on a 70s uber togetherness cliche;hilarious.
THanks!

Educate here Who is Heinlein?