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CATHOLIC HORSES

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.


Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and20awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.


True to his pattern, the pries t stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?

All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy .. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.’

A little boy was listening to a long and excessively boring sermon in church one Sunday.

Suddenly, the red sanctuary lamp caught his eye.

Tugging his father's sleeve, he said, "Daddy, when the light turns green can we go?"

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry. He walks into the local pub straightaway and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.

This happens yet again.

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?"

'Tis a bit odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers. One went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know, the two beers and all..."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent." :D

+Cosmos

VERY cute!!

I've always preferred the variant of that tale in which he's having the second drink for his buddy that didn't make it back in the war, as they promised each other in the foxhole.

When they ask why he only one, he gives the explanation that he gave up drinking for lent.

But his buddy was protestant

hawk

After a long, dry Lenten sermon, the priest announced that he wished to meet with the Church Board after the Mass. To his surprise, the first person to arrive at the meeting was a visiting stranger.

"I'm afraid you misunderstood my announcement", said the priest. "This is a meeting of the Board."

"Yes, I know", said the man. "If there was anyone here more bored than me, I’d like to meet him."

+Cosmos

Three women were sitting in hell, and the topic turned to how they got there.

"I'm Jewish," said the first. "I fed my family bacon."

"I'm Catholic," said the second. "I fed my family beef on a Lenten Friday."

"I'm Episcopalian," sobbed the third. "I served red wine with fish!"



hawk

Funeral for a Robin

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... And into the hole he gooooes."