www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Parish Life & Evangelization Baby Breaks during Liturgy

I am the father of five...

My kids act up... I pull them out.

Dear Babochka,

You really have your hands full, dear sister!!! You need to get creative! Here are some things I remember doing:

Would it not be an option to perhaps have your husband help with the children while in church, or perhaps if he is staying home on Sundays for whatever reason, why not leave them with him once in a while and just take the older ones?!? Also, if you have a visiting grandmother or aunt or godmother (or one who lives closeby) of the children, bring them with you to church--they are always helpful in helping watch the children.

Also, in my parish, we had a nursery/kindergarden Sunday School grade, and I was thrilled when I could finally leave them there and be alone upstairs following Liturgy. Maybe when the new priest comes with his little ones, you can initiate some kind of nursery school with a volunteer teen or adult watching and teaching church lessons, and coloring holy pictures, etc...

I just never enjoyed the Liturgy when I had to look after them and worry about them...but that may just be me!

The funniest thing I remember though was my oldest, who always had a problem sleeping enough, was that as soon as he heard the chantor (who was really terrible at that parish--he was a very old man), my son would obviously start getting sleepy because he would start rubbing his eyes like crazy!

All in all, just remember that one day they will get older and though you will miss their younger days, you will be liberated in many ways...including in your worship experience.

Alice

Does anyone remember the 6 or so points for parents during liturgy?
Stephanos I
I want to rerun it in my buletin.

Alice,

It isn't that bad, really. I hate to think that I made it sound like such a struggle all the time. I actually have it pretty easy. My husband is there every Sunday, and a great help to me. I'm not always the one taking the kids out, although it is usually me. I also have my parents and my 15 year old niece to help out during the liturgy. I just feel like it is a constant in and out some days. Last Sunday, I was in and out 8 times. I changed 2 diapers, accompanied one little one to the bathroom, took the baby out while she fussed to sleep, and took the 2 year old out multiple times. I always bring him back in when he's calmed down, for my own sake, but it doesn't always last. Some days are better than others, but it really doesn't help to have the 70 year old woman who raised 6 perfect kids tell me how her kids never did anything wrong in church.

I actually made it to the pre-sanctified liturgy several times this year with just the baby, or the baby and the 7 year old. What an amazing difference! My years of wrangling children has certainly helped me appreciate the liturgy more when I get to experience it alone. I can't remember the last time I heard a homily.

It could be that everybody else in the church is fine with it and I'm just expressing my own frustration at not being able to immerse myself in the liturgy. Thank you for the kind ear and concrete suggestions.

Elizabeth

Don't be afraid to get in the face of obnoxious old ladies. Just tell her Liturgy is not about face time for her and Jesus, turn back to the Liturgy, and let her fume. I did that once, and was never bothered again.

*SO* not me... but I do appreciate it!

Elizabeth

Please don't apologize; I'd love to be misunderstood by this more often!




While the old church has been turned into a hall, the consecrated portion [1] remains--including the window to the old crying room, where I spent a lot of time with my oldest. Not all the time, though--we had her Sunday feeding timed so that a bottle came partway through, after which she slept in my arms until the bells during the Eucharistic Prayer woke her up. In time, I learned to cover one ear and press the other to my arm

Anyway, with the particular interruption I mentioned, it wasn't just the priest being distracted. That kid was shrieking for ten or twenty minutes--why a parent wouldn't do something about the child is beyond me (never mind the Mass!). The child wasn't old enough to qualify for a tantrum, but was quite unhappy for an extended period.


I'm amazed at how much advice I've been given on childraising by the childless . . .


The first parish we went to in Ames, IA had pre-school & such during the Mass. We quickly discovered that I had drop our second child (barely two), as she'd throw a fit leaving her mother.

OK, that lasted a week or two--then she closed the door, and told me, "Daddy, you go now."

Well, OK . . .


Hmph. Entirely the wrong type of little old ladies.

One of the ways to get through Mass with a small child is passing him back ad forth. With the twins, however, one was quite social, and would quickly get passed around the room, while the other wanted nothing to do with anyone but her mother and me. And with twins, the other parent already had one . . .

Fortunately, you can pretty much count on finding a little old lady in the pew behind you who is more than happy to take a baby [And, despite the Polish & Byzantine churches a couple of blocks away, I had yet to learn the term "Baba" ]

hawk

[1](huge building with movable walls that served as church and everything else; the old bishop hated it, thus a new church rather than hall),

A child letting out a screech or two, it gets chuckles.

A child screaming for more than a couple minutes, and everyone is turning to look and see if the parents are ok...

And more than 5 or 10 minutes, wonder if the child needs protection from the parents . . .

hawk

As a parent of 6 this made me smile. Some people do glower at even the most tiny noise. Kids aren't dogs. You can't make them sit quietly under your chair for minutes on end. Certainly there is a reasonable timer in the parent's head that should go off telling them to take the child out for a bit, but I have been witness and recipient of looks that you would have thought were a response to uncontrollable flatulence or bringing a marching band to liturgy.

With as many Orthodox websites as I've read about how to deal with children in liturgy, they all seem to rest on common sense. You can bend over too far in an effort to be inconspicuous and end up asking yourself why you even bothered getting out of bed on Sunday for as little "church time" as you actually had.

@dochawk: Yup...

@Byz TX: I think that a lot depends upon whether people see the church as a "haven for saints" or a "hospital for sinners"... The crowd associated with the former tend to be very unkind to anyone or anything that reminds them of their own fragility of praxis.

The latter crowd turn and offer to help.

Most fall somewhere between.

Now that is definitely a strategy we use weekly. The 2 year old usually starts out with my mom, and my niece grabs the baby as soon as we walk in. My 7 year old serves sometimes, but he's extremely shy and has been opting out lately. Life is a bit easier when he's serving, because he and the 5 year old don't mess with each other. Anyway, at some point, the baby needs to nurse, so I take her from the very unwilling 15 year old. After she nurses, she starts to drift off to sleep. It is at precisely that moment that the 2 year old decides that he's done with Grammy. Daddy tries to take him, but only Mommy (who has an almost sleeping baby in her arms) will do. So, I hand the baby off to Daddy to take the 2 year old. He's content for a few minutes, but Daddy has already taken the baby outside because the jostling prevented her from going to sleep, so now she's fussy. The two year old tells me that he wants to kiss the icons (code for "I'm bored, can we get up and walk around the back of the church and kiss icons.) We proceed. Eventually, he's talking so much and so loudly about kissing the icons that I decide to take him outside for a few minutes. I pass my husband (who is carrying the now sleeping baby) on my way out. He's coming in for his 20 minutes of peace. I spend the rest of the liturgy coming back in when I think I can get away with it, and leaving when I realize that my son is talking so much that nobody can hear the homily. In and out we go. Sometimes, I try to take my seat again. Sometimes I don't. Meanwhile, I'm very grateful that my parents are there, keeping the older two somewhat focused. Finally, I'm rewarded for all my efforts when he informs me that its time to go receive Jesus. What more can I ask for, really? Well, maybe a few less glares from old ladies. The cantor always tells me how much he enjoys my son's chatter, though.

Typing all this out has really helped me put in in perspective. Thanks!

Elizabeth

I hate to say this, but the title of this thread could be misleading. When I initially read it what came to mind is someone had actually broke a baby during a liturgy.

Maybe adding the word, "Taking" before the rest of the title would have been more specific.

hahahahahahahaha

BUT


Secret Squirrel - the title is certainly attention getting - may be it was intended ?

I have my own 'horror' story on this type of thing

Please share.