www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Anger, self blame

Hello,

I have been trying really hard to release my suppressed anger, but it's not working. Probably it's getting little better, but I'm still struggling and I don't like having this suppressed anger. I usually don't vent out, but I keep it inside. I'm reading pope Shenouda book about anger and in his book, the saints blame themselves for everything even when people mistreats them. I tried this technique and sometimes it works for the moment, then the anger comes back again. Self blame doesn't make sense for me because sometimes it's not reality for me and put me in state of denial and probably keeps the anger suppressed in me. Self blame probably needs humility, but it doesn't work for me right now. Also, self blame doesn't make sense for me because it seems to contradict the phrase forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Jesus asked us to forgive and not self blame. If there is such thing as blaming our self for everything, then there is no need to forgive since it's our fault all the time. How is forgiving and blaming ourselves all the time are the related? Sometimes I think that I'm tricking my mind by self blaming and it's not reality and it's illusion. I need somehow to release this negative energy in a way that I don't deceive my self and my mind, but I'm not sure how.

I'm tired of having this suppressed anger and I'm praying about this everyday. I pray the rosary for the people who offended me and ask Jesus to forgive them, but the pain is still there and it doesn't seem that I'm forgiving from all of my heart. Believe me I want to release this anger and totally forgive, but I acknowledge my weakness. At this point I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm tired of it all and I'm tired of this anger, at this point I pray for God's healing from this pain and anger. Could anybody help me with this issue, could I be released from this anger instantly by God's grace and is there away? Is there a saint who can help me with this?

I'm trying to meditate on God's passion and my offenses toward God but it's still not healing my completely.
Thank you

Also, I want to add one thing, in the Pope Shenouda's book about anger, the saints say that a person will not be in total peace unless he blames himself (rephrase of the original text)

Coincidentally but helpfully, Saint John of Shanghai and San Francisco was the victim of serious false accusations more than once. He paid them somewhat less attention than you or I would pay a mosquito, and sure enough the accusations turned out to be false without Saint John having to go to much bother over them. The worst was during the building of the Cathedral in San Francisco - some disgruntled people actually dragged Saint John into a secular court. He was completely vindicated.

Saint John was quite capable of getting angry, but not for personal reasons.

Fr. Serge

Self-blame? Who is the accuser of the brethern?

CC,

I don't think self-blaming should be seen as a substitute for forgiveness, but a means to it. The reason for anger is usually that I imagine myself to have certain "rights" that have been denied to me. That doesn't mean the other person didn't act wrongly, only that I was wrong to be angry about it. Furthermore, in most cases the other person acted out of weakness, not malice--this realization alone can be a big help towards healing.


CC, it sounds as though you have done all you can, but perhaps you feel that God is not satisfied with your efforts. Always remember that He is happy to forgive us when we ask Him, and that before He will make us perfect He wants us to learn to accept His forgiveness.


Peace,
Deacon Richard

Suffering from chronic anger can be so painful. Christ is there with you while you endure this participation in His Cross.

I have heard that the flip-side of depression is anger.
Have you ever thought of consulting a psychiatrist to determine if you have a serious mood disorder, like major depression or bi-polar disorder? There exist effective medications for these conditions. Prayer, reception of the Sacraments, devotion to the saints and perhaps also appropriate medications - if indicated - might provide you with relief and peace.
Anyway, I'll pray that you soon are more at peace. Please pray for me, too.

Thank you Fr. Serge

Hi Pani Rose,

in the book about anger, usually when a brethern gets angry at let say John; John doesn't become angry by blaming himself for being the cause of anger of his brethern by coming up with an execuse.

Hi Deacon Epiphanius,

You said, "I don't think self-blaming should be seen as a substitute for forgiveness, but a means to it" so what you mean is that when a Peter gets angry at John, John says that I forgive Peter because I was the reason for making him angry, is that the correct application for self blame?

You said, "CC, it sounds as though you have done all you can, but perhaps you feel that God is not satisfied with your efforts." yes, I believe that God is not satisfied with my efforts because I always hear the message about forgiveness in the radio and spiritual books and magazine, when I read the message I realize that God is not satisfied with my efforts, which makes me stressed out because I'm not sure how to forgive from all of my heart. Probably, forgiveness is a process that might take all of my lifetime to learn and God is telling me that I should seek out the total forgivness from the heart and I'm not there yet.

Hello Sielos,

Thank you for your message. Yes, I believe that prayers, sacrements and the saints can help healing, but I don't have much appreciation for medicine; I believe medicine could be helpful in extreme cases. I believe that medicine could cover the symptoms and not resolve the issue. Actually, one night about 2 years ago I was really down and I turned the TV to a Christian channel and the preacher said that Medicine covers the symptoms and doesn't resolve the issue and he said what we need is Christ; I believed that this was a message to me and I took it to the heart and I started that my unforgiveness was causing me to be down.

In Christ

Dear One,

The acusor of the brethern is satan. Why look to the side of unforgivness. To me, you need to forgive yourself and others about you just as Christ has forgiven you. When does this self blame become pride?

Revelations 12:
7
Then war broke out in heaven; Michael 8 and his angels battled against the dragon. The dragon and its angels fought back,
8
but they did not prevail and there was no longer any place for them in heaven.
9
The huge dragon, the ancient serpent, 9 who is called the Devil and Satan, who deceived the whole world, was thrown down to earth, and its angels were thrown down with it.
10
Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have salvation and power come, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Anointed. For the accuser 10 of our brothers is cast out, who accuses them before our God day and night.
11
They conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; love for life did not deter them from death.
12
Therefore, rejoice, you heavens, and you who dwell in them. But woe to you, earth and sea, for the Devil has come down to you in great fury, for he knows he has but a short time."
13
When the dragon saw that it had been thrown down to the earth, it pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child.

CC,

Rather than "I was the reason," I think "I may have been the reason" is both more accurate and more spiritually beneficial. The fact is that I don't know, and there is always a possibility that something I did could have provoked "Peter's" anger. This uncertainty is an important factor in the spiritual life: God knows, I don't. I submit to Him both my knowledge and my ignorance (i.e. regarding the state of my soul), and then ask His forgiveness in humility.

God wants us to get used to coming to Him for forgiveness--not standing before Him like the Pharisee and saying, "look how good I am!"


One thing the enemy is always trying to do is rob our souls of peace. In that state, we become angry with ourselves and finally with God, and are easily led into all kinds of temptation. On the other hand, one of the rules of spiritual discernment is that if something is from God, it brings us peace.


I cannot say what God is telling you, but I can say that He is not demanding that you do something and then denying you the grace you need to to do it!


Peace,
Deacon Richard

I believe there is such a thing called righteous anger. It is permissible to be angry of sin and its deadly results. As for self-anger this must be examined carefully.

Jesus had rhetorically asked the question...What is the greatest commandment?

He knew that the Pharisees would respond by saying, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND"

This would have been a good response, but then he went on to say...

AND THE OTHER COMMANDEMENT IS LIKE IT. YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." (Matt 22:37-40)

The implication of this brief snippet of scripture is tremendous. Unless we love the miracle of what we were created to be before we were in our mother's womb, then how could we possibly love others and withstand the many barbs and accusations of our accusers both inside and outside the walls of our churches? Love is difficult to understand or to discribe, but love of self is a prerequisite to loving the unloved among us.

Yes, the world will hate us and we will be constantly misunderstood by the world.

Jesus warns us about the world's view of his children:

[i]"If the world hates you, remember that the world hated me first. If you belonged to the world, then the world would love you like it loves its own people. But I have chosen you out of the world. So you don't belong to the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the lesson I told you: A servant is not greater than his master. If people did wrong to me, then they will do wrong to you too. And if people obeyed my teaching, then they will obey yours too.[/i]

Regretably we live in a time when people are lauded for being immersed in the temporal and not the eternal. We see daily the tragedy of lives wasted in the pursuit of celebrity.

This is why we must not seek approval from the world, but only from God. This is why we believe in the sanctity of life of the unborn because all are called to be Holy because He is Holy. This is what Orthodox Christians call [i]theosis [/i] .

So now, how was it possible for Saint John of Shanghai and other saints to withstand their own unworthiness and the unworthiness assigned to him by the world? It was by keeping Christ at the very center of their earthly existance. By extraordinary humility, John would put others ahead of himself, understanding in his physical and spiritual weakness that strength is only possible through the saving mercies of Jesus Christ.

I also think about the early Church martyrs like Polycarp who faced his martyrdom boldly resulted in the conversion of many souls to Christ because of the Christ who lived in him.

I believe that if we take on a posture of prayer as the publican did and confess our sin and pray "GOD BE MERCIFUL UPON ME A SINNER" then like the man who suffered with demons who called themselves legion, we too will find rest at the feet of Jesus.

I find that praying the Jesus Prayer, LORD BE GRACIOUS TO ME A SINNER repeatedly helps me to focus not so much on the filthiness of my garments, but the radiant beauty of God which constantly reaches out to grace me.

Saint John appeared to be a peculiar man, deserving in appearance of the scorn of the world. However in his heart he knew very well that he was loved so much by God that God would make him a worthy partaker of His divine nature.

I pray this for you and others who share in this forum.

Peace my friend!

That was so beautiful Pastor! Thank you for taking the time to minister to our brethren here in such a blessed manner.

Though this may be a bit late, I would like to welcome you to our forum.

In Christ our Lord,
Alice, Moderator and poster

P.S...I couldn't send you a private message..it said you were over your limit, so you may want to look into this.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I find it amazing that you play the bouzouki, which is such an awesome instrument!

Thank you Alice. I guess the bouzouki and oud come with being of the Greek heritage.

Blessings my sister!

Pastor Art