www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Online dating for Christians???

Hi,
I recently ended a long term relationship for various reasons...two major reasons were that after 6 years getting married was still hard for him to wrap his head around and I want a family and children. Second, we were not on the same level spiritually. Now, he was Catholic, I am Orthodox. But, we didn't pray together, talk about faith together, etc...and I want that. He was insistent on raising the family Catholic yet his actions didn't mirror his desire to do that.

I am eager to start dating again. What do you think about dating websites, tailored for Christians? I don't know if I should ONLY date Orthodox or not. This is where I am stuck. I did meet a really nice guy from one of the websites, and although he is a devout Christian he is not Orthodox.

Thoughts please?

Jkay,

It sounds as though you learned quite a lot from this previous relationship--including the fact that you're not going to wait 6 years for someone again!

WRT this "new guy," I suggest (but please take this as only one suggestion!) letting things evolve to the point where it's natural to start discussing the things you mentioned in your post, and see how things develop from there. The reason I say this is that authentic devotion may be a tremendous asset, and someone with this quality *could* be able to work out solutions to the obvious difficulties of a mixed marriage. By the same token, if he feels strongly about certain issues that divide Protestants and Orthodox, it will come out at that time, and you will have a natural "off ramp," so to speak. (I suspect that with the previous guy, you deliberately avoided topics of this kind, for just this reason.)

Anyway, just my 2 cents' worth. I don't remember the exact reference, but Proverbs says there is wisom in seeking the counsel of many.


Peace,
Deacon Richard

If you do date non-Orthodox, definitely make it clear that you are Orthodox. Pray before meals. Make certain he will at least attend your parish within a couple months; if he can't/won't, it will be a problem don the road. (And a Catholic has no valid reasons for not doing so; if they are roman, it meets, just barely, the justifications to count it for Sunday obligation; if eastern, it does so much more soundly.)

And don't hesitate to let the guy know you want a family life. Discuss virtue, and what it means.

I have three points of advice. Know yourself, your habits and your personality. If you lie to yourself about what you can tolerate in a person, if there's a personality conflict, then you may end up with much more stress than you should have. Presume that this man will not change, imagine living with the tensions for ten years of marriage. If you do not like that thought, remember what you like about him and move on. Then lastly, be direct and honest with him. Do not think to yourself "Oh, he will know that I do not like that with a glare" or "I won't bring this up to avoid an argument." It's better to have the argument on the table before you are married than for it to be revealed with vengeance in marriage.

Terry