www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall "Mail Order Bride"

Ok, I know the title got you're attention. Thinking about meeting a foreign girl thru the internet services for marriage...any thoughts? any experiences?

Thanks!

Festina lente.

One of my FD colleagues met a wonderful woman online--from Eastern Europe. She's a treasure. They share faith and have so much in common. The Good Lord was behind that match.

But, as with anything, you've got to be careful. Meeting someone online is a bit more chancey than meeting one in your own home town.

Pray.

Bob

Festina lente - "make haste slowly".....haha! good one! I've tried all the normal chanels with no positive results. American women are a lost cause.

I resemble that remark.

I don't know how others feel, but this remark seems to me to be uncharitable, and an inappropriate comment to appear on our forum, especially during Great Lent. There are all kinds of American women, just as there are all kinds of American men, from the "lost causes" whom we can pray for, to the downright saintly, and everything else in between.

I would guess that there are many married men on this forum who would not agree that their wives are "lost causes."

Perhaps I am not understanding the tone in which it was intended, but it seemed to me that it was meant as a serious remark.

I hope my own words in this regard do not cause offense.

I think much of the world looks at Americans as a bit spoiled, to begin with. That would include both men and women.

We are privileged compared to many other places, and are not nearly grateful enough. If that is what the poster means, I would agree with him.

Well, I have heard of one fellow who went down this route, with a similar view of American women, and he got 'burned' so to speak. I think the old fashioned way of meeting a future wife is best, and I don't mean the father of the girl exchanging pigs and other sundry items as a dowry either! lol

If that is what the poster meant to say, I have no disagreement with him, either. It was the singling out of half the population, and making a blanket generalization that he appeared to believe applied across the board to every member of that group, that I found rather startling. Sort of akin to someone saying "All (fill in ethnic/racial group) are (fill in adjective: lazy, stupid, dishonest, etc)"

We most certainly are overprivileged and undergrateful in this country, and I think we do appear spoiled and arrogant in the eyes of much of the world, to our own discredit. I'd be among the first to agree with you on that!

My first thought when I read his statement was that perhaps he is not called to the married life. At any rate, I will definitely pray for the OP, that his search will have the result that God intends for him.

I should think it ordinary for a person seeking a spouse to single out half the population quite before doing anything else.

I think, if you asked him in another context, he would say the same thing about American men. Women of a place are frequently afflicted with vices opposite to the vices of the men.

And given the state American marriages, he's got a point. You can't expect a man to drop his line into a pond of diseased fish just to keep from looking judgmental.

Christ is in our midst!!

The same thing could be said of American men.

I think that the answer still lies in prayer. We have to ask the Good Lord to send us the right person--a person of faith, to share our life in Christ with us. And that is something that can be deceptive. So many that are even "persons of faith" can turn out to be people who go through the motions, who are "culture Christians."

If we remember that the purpose of all this is to become closer to Christ, we're on the right track. If mutual sanctification is not in the equation, one might be better single. Both my children were concerned with finding a spouse who would support them in their faith journey. And both dated many people before the "right one" came along. We prayed for both of them--intensely, daily.

Remember Proverbs. A good spouse is worth more than rubies, but one that is a detraction from moving toward Christ is a real cross.

Maybe the problem is one that some people I know have. They put a "date" on their search and consider themselves failures if they are not married by a certain date or age. Not so.

Get down on your knees and start asking for the right person. And also leave the door open to God's answer being that He wants you in another state. In all events, remember that this pilgrimage is toward the Kingdom--that's not something that is tacked on to all this; it's the whole reason we're here.

In Christ,

Bob

Dear Jaya,

If you read all the exchanges again, I think you might come to a different conclusion? I read it as Invictus saying that he had tried seriously dating American women, but that he had no success.

Alot of young women in their twenties are not yet thinking of marriage yet in the U.S. (unfortunately and sadly). On the other hand, young Eastern European women are (although, perhaps, in some cases, for the wrong reasons)...

Alice

come on! I'm American and I'm pretty nice...

but I could see where meeting a Byzantine Catholic might be challenging because there aren't many to get to know

So as an old married woman here's my advice for the OP-
1. go to confession often to build your character
2. ask married people you know IRL for help- maybe they know someone and they can help you with your foibles- everybody has quirks
3. to be really practical- go with your priest to visit the old country- for example- in Eastern Slovakia, go to the seminary- they have a university for catechism that the women attend. These are the 'ideal' type for future priest's wives- good Byzantine Catholics- They will not be flashy like some Russian babes that go on websites and it will cost you thousands just to go to a party to meet them. In any case, you might see a few women that SPEAK ENGLISH and that will be interested in writing and skyping with you. When you get interested in just one- be honest and tell the others and cut off all communication with them
4. There are some good things about marrying cross-culturally, but you need to know her country before you know her- you will be surprised how important her country is because we Americans live in such a melting pot

Thank you!!!