www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Parish Life & Evangelization Trouble integrating myself into a parish

Hi,

As a traditional-Roman-in-exile (can't find an Extraordinary Form Mass where I now live), I wrote a while back about overcoming some anxieties about introducing myself to the parish priest, the protocols for hearing confession, etc.

Problem is, I can't seem to get the priest's ear. He's never available after DL, and I get kicked out of the church right after the liturgy ends.

Confession before DL is advertised, but only 15 minutes before the Sunday DL. In any event, the priest is never there to hear the confessions. Neither one of these is a good sign.

The ushers aren't fond of letting people stay and pray after DL. Once the altar doors close, pretty much everyone gets up straightaway and leaves the church. The lights go off almost immediately. At any Mass or Divine Liturgy, even when I do not receive the Eucharist, I like to sit or kneel and meditate in thanksgiving for maybe ten minutes after the liturgy. In this church, I was promptly told by an usher to leave soon after the DL. In my parent's traditional Roman parish, people often pray for quite a while after Mass. In fact, the pastor and priests of that parish encourage parishioners to stay and pray after every Mass.

I don't mind that the parishioners ignore me. I'm there for worship, not socialization. I'm new, don't speak Ukrainian (incidentally, I do have a Polish surname but know nothing of the culture), and I'm not a part of a family that has worshiped at that church for decades. All I want to do is introduce myself to a priest, make sure he recognizes me when I approach for the Eucharist, and confess to him on a somewhat regular basis. I can go to a Roman church to confess if I need to, but I should make it a point to confess at the Byzantine church at least occasionally.

Should I just pack it up and find a new parish? Or should I make an appointment to meet with the priest, introduce myself, and try to make a go of it?

Sorry for the long and rambling post. Thanks all for your help!

I'm sure others will have much better advice for you, but here's something:

Don't give up yet. I know nothing about the parish where you seem to be experiencing such difficulty, so I will wait to learn more before offering any opinions or suggestions. I'm afraid anything I would write now may seem uncharitable or rude.

At our parish, unless you bolt for the door as soon as the last note of "Many Years" starts to die away, you get invited downstairs for coffee and snack, and you definitely won't be ignored.

I'll pray for you, and if you don't get any further responses I'd be happy to blather on with my opinions if you promise not to take offense.

It's okay. Be uncharitable if you so prefer. I must be doing something wrong by doing nothing.

Do note that I do not do anything obviously boorish, such as take a Rosary out and start praying aloud in English, sit in the front of the church, or even say anything. The congregation is quite old, even though the priest is relatively young. There aren't that many thirtyish people there, but this is secular Quebec -- young people just don't go to church generally. That is quite a difference from my Roman parish back home, which is quite mixed in age, ethnic background, etc. From my experiences with the Orthodox, I know that cultural homogeneity is more pronounced in certain Eastern parishes than in others. Perhaps this does not transport well to the Eastern Catholic situation, but I have noted that some Eastern Catholic parishes are more accepting of a variety of different backgrounds than others.

No coffee hour or socialization after the Liturgy. This is fine, as not all churches period (Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, &c.) do this. Not odd in itself. I hear some English spoken, but none of either during the Liturgy itself.

What is odd is the neglect of the Sacraments (in my view). "Back home", priests spend a good chunk of their Saturdays "in the boxes" and try to make themselves available during the week for confession, questions, etc. Not so here. This sort of unsettles me. Maybe another church would be more open about the sacraments.

Anyway, don't be ashamed to be blunt so long as it doesn't stray outside of forum norms.

Wow...

Our priest makes himself very available for confession, usually the half hour before vesting but would be available after Liturgy if needed, or by appointment at other times. This was recently confirmed for me by something someone told me so I feel confident in saying it.

After each of us gets a final "Christ is among us" and kisses the priest's hand cross someone chants the Ninth Hour while the clergy do their final works behind the iconostasis. That lasts about 10 minutes. Most people remain standing in prayer during that time before or after venerating the icons. Then we have lunch together. This is pretty much what I've also experienced on the few daytime feast days I've been at the Russian Orthodox parish I go to for some services my parish does not have. Even at night when there is no meal afterward there is still another 10 minutes or more as things change gears before people begin to leave the temple.

I'm so sorry to read the description you give. If you will go again I would in any case encourage you to introduce yourself to the clergy.... has he/ have they not already approached you to welcome you?

I'm not sure why you would feel like you would want to go to Confession with a priest who doesn't make himself available, if what you say is true. We don't know what his circumstances are so there may be good reasons why he in always short on time there. We can go to confession with any Catholic priest. I have a couple of confessors I have found I get good council from and I usually go to them.

Maybe this has already been suggested, if there is no Extraordinary Form Roman Rite Mass near you is there a monastic community near by? I often go to the Dominican Priory for daily Mass. They celebrate the Ordinary Form in a very reverent way, and with Latin for the prayers at least once a week, and they concelebrate daily which I love. They chant the Hours before the Mass and the Magnificat at the conclusion.

Would you ever consider going to an Orthodox Church? Sometimes in "exile" our Orthodox brothers and sisters are very kind to us. You might find an Orthodox parish not much more welcoming that the EC one you describe, but others are very welcoming. Especially during Great Lent there are many more services you could go to at an Orthodox (or EC) church, Great Compline, Vespers, Presanctified Liturgy.

That would be a wonderful option! From what you've described, the Dominican community is doctrinally and liturgically orthodox. I would go to Mass with such a community in a heartbeat. Although I prefer the Extraordinary Form, the Ordinary Form can be celebrated reverently, in keeping with traditional western Catholic spirituality, and with orthodox preaching. In many areas of the world, such as where I live, traditionally-minded celebrations of any Mass are few and far between. There must be a reason for why western Catholicism is wandering in the wilderness now, but I sure don't know why. Many of us would like to know.


I am certain that many Orthodox are welcoming to their traditionally-minded Roman brothers and sisters. Regardless, it's crucially important that displaced Roman Catholics not view Eastern Christianity simply as a refuge against the often chaotic and even heterodox liturgical landscape in the Roman rite. Eastern liturgy is not an appendage, a "little brother", to the most frequently celebrated rite in the Universal Church. Eastern Catholics have their own unique and equally important traditions. I must also keep in mind the cultural or ethnic backgrounds of a community. I might not fit in well in a place if I do not share that background. I shouldn't force myself into an already tight-knit community simply because "I'm Catholic too" by baptism and confirmation. Simply showing up for Divine Liturgy but not participating in the church community is also disingenuous and disrespectful in a way.

All of us, Western or Eastern Catholic, can do is pray for a Roman Catholic renaissance according to her traditions and orthodox beliefs. Maybe Eastern Catholicism can show Romans the way back home.

I can appreciate the difficulties younger people have when trying to practice their faith publically in "la belle province". The tendency there is to regard religious observance as an eccentricity, at best.

Pray to St. Joseph & St. Brother Andre; and I'll pray you get beyond this situation and find a Catholic/Orthodox/"extraordinary-form" community where circumstances are more normal & conducive to personal prayer, devotion and welcoming newcomers.

jordanmz:

Christ is in our midst!!

If it's any consolation, the problem you describe is not confined to the parish(es) you have attended. My son had the same problem when he registered at a suburban Philadelphia parish after university graduation. He was the only person between the ages of 18 and 35 in that large Latin parish. When he was allowed to be a lay reader, some people told him he was too young to do that ministry, even though he'd been trained to do it years before and does a very good job at it. Had it not been that the pastor had previously been his university chaplain, he may not have continued to attend.

Sadly, we Christians of all stripes talk about community--common unity--but fall far short of what it means when welcoming those who are new faces. The best parish I ever attended was an ACROD one in suburban Philadelphia where the ushers came up to me after DL, welcomed me, and asked if I would return and/or want to register as a member.

Maybe you need to be a bit more "gutsy." Go up to the iconostas and knock on the door after the DL and see if the priest answers. He may have another parish he must travel to and maybe the place you are in is his mission church. That may explain his hurry to move out and on.

Bob

Assuming we ever get our own act together.

i think you're a saint. Well done for struggling. I'm sure you'll get a reward for all this patience.

But its true, you have to confess before having communion.

Although you are correct in that Church is not there for socialisation, it still is important because if what unites us together IS Christ, then you have a fraternity and fellowship that will help you.

Christ did say if 2 or more gather in my name I will be in their midst. Where are you going to get others to gather in Christ's name from?