www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall "Mail Order Bride"

I agree with many here that caution is a very important word, the idea one is looking for someone who is good looking, overly friendly, etc., if one is seeking a spouse look in your own backyard first and pray, I am sure there are reasons those who search other countries for a spouse (male and female) do so but, it just appears the reasons should be solid and reasonable, I have seen many an unhappy marriage due to international "convenience" marriages (i.e. one needed a Visa to come to the US, the other wanted a wife who would not be "too" independent").

For myself, I am totally content single and never felt I was "forced" (as some feel in America and in Europe) to find a husband for the sake of a husband.

Actually, for serious and honest Russian women, a man saying he is "tired of American women" is a big huge red flag right away.

Thankfully, I dont have to worry about Russian men

All one can do is pray if that is the vocation in life they wish to pursue, God will send a proper spouse but, it takes time, patience, and a lot of prayer.

I am very thankful I am single, I do not think I would have the patience for such comments or situations.

It is good that you are genuinely content with your circumstance.

I go by "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, and blessed be the name of the Lord." Walk down whatever path God is sending you, with dignity and honor...

Few women I know who have been single and are now in their middle age, are honestly happy about it. I see them accepting it and simply bearing it, with dignity again.

I myself am a single woman in my mid-thirties, and I have that same attitude too.

Agreed, totally content but I do not consider it a circumstance, rather a life choice, if God wished me to marry, he would have led me to it, its just a realist type approach.

I am very fond of the scripture
1 Corinthians 7:8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

For myself, I know many women, younger than middle age and they are quite happy with their lives, it gives them the freedom to persue other avenues that those who are married cannot (i.e. caregivers and helping others, etc), I suppose it all depends upon the person and what they want, it also has to do in my opinion with being at peace with yourself, no one else can do that for you, I really do not believe it it something to be "borne" but, everyone feels different and I can respect that. For some going to a diner and having to eat breakfast alone is taramont to a crisis, to me, I find it quite liberating, its all how we view it I suppose and what each individual wants out of life.

I actually met my wife at the diocesan "Roving Mass" for young adults . . .

hawk

Whats a roving Mass Hawk?

Invictus,
I had a co-worker who kind tried a "mail order bride." After he sent arranged her transportation and sent the money she never showed up.

This truly sad part is......he tried it again. Well, you know what happened; he got burned again.

Wow! this post took on a life of it's own. My apologies for offending anyone's senses....it was not my intent. It was a rash statement and a crazy idea. I do appreciate all the positive / negative responses......and now we can close this post.

LOL, not at you, Invictus, but at your reaction

Actually, replies to the thread were much more even-keeled than I expected (I'll admit to being a bit concerned when I first saw it).

Bottom line advice, if one distills the lot, seems to be along the lines of: it's possible, but risky; it can work out, but doesn't always; there are opportunities locally, but there are also opportunities elsewhere; some women who would be interested are genuine, some are not. Pretty definitive, those!

Finally, ... pray as to whether you should pursue such a course, pray before you pursue such a course, pray if you decide not to pursue such a course, pray if you decide to pursue such a course, pray while pursuing such a course, pray after pursuing such a course - basically, pray.

Hmm, does that sum it all up?

As you suggest, I suspect that the thread has run its course, I'll give it a day or so because, like Joy, I'd like to hear doc's explanation of what a 'Roving Mass' is.

Many years,

Neil

I happen to know a few success stories and I think that just like with any love match, this type of situation is likely to work out if there is a connection, things in common, and willingness to stick with each other, rather than solely fascination with the idea or frustration with your own experiences.

I agree with my sister, Mariya. Like her, I know of a few success stories, though I probably know of an equal number of failures. Much turns on how one approaches the situation - a completely starry-eyed approach, undiluted by common sense, is not going to be a strong predictor of success.

Many years,

Neil

One particular failure that I know, comes to my mind. This girl was my client, and in the process of working together we became friends. It was a sad story, she ended up at a battered women's shelter and at my law office... and the reason it did not work out had nothing to do with the fact that he was American and she was Ukrainian. He simply did not know how to get along with women. Any women.

There was a number of factors, quite a few red flags. This couple should have got to know each other better before moving in and getting married.