www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Faith & Theology Finding a Spiritual Father

It's kind of funny that drewmeister brought up this topic. I was meaning to ask about it.

It's frequently said in Eastern Christianity that "such and such should be discussed in conjunction with your spiritual father".

My question is, how does one go and find this kind of spiritual direction? It is as simple as going up and asking "Father, I have a question about my prayer/religious life. Can I set up a time to go over things with you?"

If so, I have the following questions:

1. what kind of things should I ask about?
2. what kind of person should I seek? What qualifications should he have? I have the option of my local parish priests (who are excellent), the monks of a nearby monastery, or Opus Dei (I would be inclined to pick the latter, but while I have nothing but admiration for Opus Dei, I am not sure their approach is what I am called for).

Marc:

One does not find a spiritual father. Rather, by prayer--asking God to put the right one in your path--the right one will be placed in your path.

In my own experience, the first thing I have discussed with my first and subsequent spiritual fathers is my prayer rule. How much time do I spend in prayer each day? What prayers do I use? What is the reason that I have taken this approach? (My earliest spiritual father recommended a disciplined approach using a prayerbook (the Latin Church's breviary in an English version). Private prayer, which we all need and must develop, should be viewed as part of the whole prayer offered everywhere and at all times by the whole Body of Christ. It is not only "me and God," but also "all of us and God." When I pray, I am aware of being with God but also picking up my part in the constant prayer of the Church to God at all times. I am in communion with all the clergy and monastics, with all the other individuals who might be praying at that time in another place in the world.

After that discussion of my personal prayer rule, my spiritual fathers have encouraged a disciplined venturing into the area of spiritual works by solid authors. By that, I mean not someone with the latest fad ideas or those with an ax to grind, but people with solid expositions of basic catechetical subjects that can expand one's understanding and bring one back to one's prayer with a richer understanding--to develop, then a deeper relationship with Christ.

The whole point is circular. One begins with prayer to the Lord, goes on to learn something that will bring one to a deeper understanding, and then comes back to the Lord in prayer with a greater appreciation for what He has done for us.

In no time when I have had a spiritual father has any one of them allowed me to go off in a "shotgun" approach or in some self-directed way. The reason is that one can become so wrapped up in trying to learn everything at once--a common desire of the novice--that one learns little for one's spiritual benefit where one is at the time. (Beyond that, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.) The danger in the self-directed approach is that one can become arrogant with what one "knows" and become resistant to solid teaching from a spiritual father.

During the time I had Orthodox spiritual fathers, the approach was somewhat similar with the exception that I used a Slavic prayerbook in English as the core of my prayer rule and focused on the Fathers of the Church and the constant spiritual tradition of the Byzantine Church: the Desert Fathers, the Jesus Prayer, the Philokalia.

If I were to offer a few bits of advice, I'd recommend that you resist the desire to be judgmental about who is a good spiritual father and avoid the danger of the self-directed way. Christianity is not a "do-it-yourself" thing. We are saved in community and we treasure the spiritual wealth of those the Holy Spirit has moved in the past and who have left us accounts of their experience in the form of so many books. But it's also good to remember that it isn't all in books; there is a constant lived experience that the Church has that we newbies need to be integrated into for our own good and for our salvation.

Another thing I want to offer is that when it all comes down to the most basic level one must simply get in there and do it. One needs to pray, spending time developing a love affair with Christ. The way will begin as something that will be euphoric--like one's first love. One walks on air and can't wait to get back to one's prayer rule and study. Then will come a period of dryness when the Lord will test one's resolve to persevere. At that point it will seem as if the least effort in prayer is like pushing a big boulder up a steep hill. One feels alone and the temptation is to give it all up. These periods are an introduction to what one's pilgrim way will be like. I've had plenty of the former and my share of the latter; they are the fabric of one's pilgrim journey that one explores with one's spiritual father.

This latter place--the dry period--is the time where one needs to lean on one's spiritual father. We need that one who will pick up our cross as Simon of Cyrene did for the Lord. One's spiritual father is one who will offer advice, correction, encouragement, and prayer.

I always started with the priest who heard my regular confession and developed a relationship with him. Somewhat like going to a physician who is not a specialist, one's regular confessor is always invaluable. He may direct you to another or he may be just what the Lord intended one to have.

But above all, start today to ask God to put the right spiritual father in your path.

In Christ,

BOB

Dear Marc,

I have to agree with Theophan, for he hit the points squarely on the head. A spiritual father as I have had to practice as such, and to seek also is one that helps advance one spiritually. He teaches and admonishes when need be, but is their to help one grow in the person's relationship in God. Prayer and the practice of the Chrisitian life(or improvement of both) is the goal of both the spiritual father and child.

The only thing that I should further suggest, is that like any relationship bond, the spiritual father should know how to stand back at times, and let you experience trial and error. A spiritual relationship should not rely on blind obedience, but rather an obedience through being taught and learning to apply the virtue. I wish I could explain it clearer, but when you are writing it is hard sometimes to explain, what is practiced.

I wish you success in your search. As Theophan eluded to, pray for direction and to be lead to the spiritual father that will help you grow in the Lord and the path to salvation.

In IC XC,
Father Anthony+

I have to say that having now experienced working with a Spiritual Director, as I did for several years, and now with my Spiritual Father , I have found a big difference.

My SD was a very good Priest - helped me through a lot of problems - but as the name suggests - he directs and I was not permitted to deviate at all . This eventually led to us parting company as he did not understand that at times I had a husband and family to consider .

My Spiritual Father has a very different approach - we cannot meet very often - but there are things like letters and phone calls and he does understand that there are other influences on me that need to be considered. He had made a suggestion for a Prayer Rule - and I tried it for a while and then asked for advice on one point - and to my surprise had a phone call so we could talk - he was concerned that he had asked too much of me and that it was becoming a burden - not his intention at all. I have found it very different approach and yes ,as Fr Anthony says
Anhelyna

While I'm in general agreement with Father Anthony and Anhelyna, I do have a caveat: as Saint Paul indicates, you get at most one genuine Spiritual Father per lifetime (and I do NOT believe in reincarnation!).

Clearly - to repeat what has already been said - this involves prayer, reliance on God, humility and divine grace. One of the signs of a good Spiritual Father is that he seldom or never suggests himself for the position (possibly because the good ones, who are few and far between, already have more than they can handle?). Almost always either you yourself must initiate the relationship, or God will do it for both of you. [As a friend of mine is fond of saying, if you ask God for signs, you will receive them - but usually with something to tell you that God does not appreciate being asked for signs! Not always a cheerful thought, but there it is.]

The game, however, is worth the candle. If you truly want a Spiritual Father, I pray that Almighty God will send you one. They're very scarce, but they do exist.

Incognitus

Thanks to all for your replies! It's actually relieving in a way......