www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Question About Love

OK, let me put it this way: what you're saying here *sounds* a lot like starry-eyed idealism. It may not be, but the fact is that no one *really* knows how a situation is going to feel to them until they're actually in it. Once that happens, and it turns out not to be the way they had intended, the starry-eyed idealist typically does a 180 and becomes the jaded skeptic, blinded by bitterness and unable to come to terms with what has really happened in his life.

Now, I'm not accusing you of anything here, just offering some insights that might be of use in trying to evaluate your situation as objectively as possible.


Peace,
Deacon Richard

Well, since I'm a massive pessimist and basically believe that I will never have those "idealistic" things anyways, I don't see how it can be the pie-in-the-sky style of goals.

So you see it too then? That's good. I wonder if you will give this woman up now, or only after you have flushed away the better part of your life on her.

Eastern,
I have only one advise that every wise man would say.

Always stay away from troubled women!

???

So, you're admitting you really wouldn't be "happy working a terrible job?"

No, I'm admitting that I will probably never find love, never get married married, and never have kids, and thus not be happy.

Watch the fine line which separates pessism from depression. Maybe it's time to do some reading in your spare time to depart from your troubles. Matthew Chapter six always works for me. You can also read Pope Francis's exhortation "The Joy of the Gospel" "Evangelii Gaudium" which you can find in documents on EWTN or on
http://www.vatican.va/evangelii-gaudium/en/index.html#1

Maybe you just need to simply ask God to help you.

I will pray for you.

just say "Jesus I want you in my life show me the way to you. Mary mother of God pray for me.

I know your life will change for the better.

Well, now I actually have a concrete plan to either validate myself before my friend, or her giving me reason to move on entirely. A clear cut plan, but it doesn't guarantee me the things I want even if it succeeds. I just feel like I'm destined to be that one member of my family who doesn't get married, or have kids. Like my favorite uncle was before me. I don't want that.

Renee Harris, thank you for the prayers, I appreciate it. Thank you everyone else who also contributed words of wisdom and compassion.

Brother Eastern,

As someone who has struggled against pessimism for most of my life, I feel qualified to say this: pessimism is *always* a temptation.

Please remember that faith isn't merely a matter of giving my intellectual assent to the articles of the Creed and the dogmatic teachings of the Church, because part of that dogmatic teaching *is* the great love that God has for us. Thus, it is not enough for me to believe that God is "a loving Father" in some vague, generic sense--I must also believe that this loving Father is *my* loving Father.

Therefore, for me to say on the one hand that I believe in God, and then to say on the other hand that I'll "probably never be happy" indicates a big disconnect: either I believe in the God of love but don't *really* believe in "the love part," or I believe in the love part, but don't *really* believe it pertains to me.

It's a beautiful thing when we can come to realize that the love of God really *does* pertain to us. God knew me even before I was conceived, and His loving hand has been upon me from the moment I came into being. But it is only by faith that I can look back on my life and see the hand of God at work, despite all the failures and disappointments. Things have not gone the way I would have planned, or liked, or wanted. However, I trust that His wisdom is immensely greater than mine, and that His plan for my life is still unfolding.


Peace,
Deacon Richard

Deacon Richard,

As another who frequently struggles with pessimism: Thank you.

We all need remedial catechesis from time to time.