I have pinpointed some peculiar situation in my life that distresses me: I am seemingly not permitted to express outright joy prior to happy events in my life. Instead of having joy in m life, I often live with an outright cautious optimism, at the very best.
I don't understand it. Basically, while I anticipate positive events that will occur in my life- like the upcoming birth of my first daughter- I of course feel tremendous inner joy. But then bad news swoops down and lays me flat, emotionally speaking.
We found out about the pregnancy very early on, week five. I was absolutely ecstatic! Then, the very same week, my wife called me at work and sounded extremely frantic- she was on her way to the hospital, because she was bleeding.
She was spotting, which is very normal in a pregnancy and not cause for an alarm. But for new married couple expecting our first born, we went to the ER at the local military hospital. We met a doctor named Love, and he dropped the sinister “M” word multiple times, but then tried to soothe it by saying, “These things happen. Make another appointment to confirm it or not.” Etc. and so forth.
Yesterday, we were pretty joyous about the morning appointment check on our daughter. And out of the blue, a heart valve problem.
There are multiple events in m life where outright depressing or negative instances have occurred to immediately stunt the happiness of the event. I don’t understand- it honestly feels like a curse.
I rambled on, and I probably explained my situation poorly, but any thoughts?
It's like the universe punishes me for outright joy. I don't know who I insulted up there.
