Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I didn't find this topic in the forum, maybe I am just blind, if it already exists I apologize! I also want to emphasize that this thread is my personal experience, my insecurities and I don't want to spark any quarrel or hurt anyone's feelings. Forgive me!
I am a parishioner of the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church in Western Europe. I used to be Roman Catholic but through family relations, I got to know the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church and since then I have been an active parishioner. I help during Divine Liturgy. I have been to Ukraine regularly and was able to experience the Church in its "stronghold" of Western Ukraine.
However, lately, I have been searching for the possibility of visiting Vespers in the country where I am staying. I found out that Vespers are not offered regularly in our Greek Catholic Churches if offered altogether. After thinking about the implications, I decided to visit our local Greek Orthodox Church, which offers Vespers in the local language. They have a big cathedral in the city and some smaller chapels nearby. We were in a small chapel, which was recently built but unbelievably beautiful and classical, it was stunning. The priest and the small congregation took it very seriously ("What else?!" you might think). They took into consideration every detail, every oil lamp, etc. The atmosphere was fantastic and focused on prayer and meditation.
This sparked questions in my mind. Why doesn't our church offer Vespers and other services of the church? Why are we always only guests in Roman Catholic Church Buildings, often enough in quiet modern ones with no byzantine atmosphere at all? The Greek Catholic Church, as often in Western European countries, is integrated into the structures of the Roman Catholic Church. I have the feeling that we don't settle but we stay guests. Our priests very often work as Roman Catholic priests. Also, I often see tendencies of Latinization which I don't appreciate. Maybe it has to do with these local structures.
It seems to me, that in the Greek Catholic Church, there are two wings: The more "byzantine" priests and parishioners who are very near and similar to the Orthodox Churches and their spirituality. These are often converts from the "West" as am I and they are a minority in our region. And there are the more "roman" priests and parishioners. They are often Ukrainians. I talked a lot with some of them. Some of them are even family. It seems to me that they want to be part of the "West", of the "civilized world" as I often heard them saying. For sure it has historical-political reasons. The current war also plays a major role. Often they have lived through the Soviet-era in Ukraine. They told me, how they lived in the "underground", how all their church buildings were transferred to the Russian Orthodox Church and they had to recapture them after the independence. So as you see, the relations with the Orthodox Churches were not friendly in the past. If you argue that there is an Orthodox Church of Ukraine that has nothing in common with the Russian church, they just say: Ah, in reality, they are all the same!
Often they read and cite western theologians, which is nothing bad because our church "breathes with her two lungs" but they don't read any orthodox theologians at all, they don't practice the Jesus Prayer but rather the Rosary, etc. So it seems to me, that they are indeed breathing with one lung if you don't take into account the Divine Liturgy.
All these reasons have sparked an inner conflict in me. Although they are also "immigrant churches" in our region, the Orthodox Churches manage to build their buildings, to decorate and design beautiful temples, make the effort of thoroughly preparing for service, and offer a wide variety of all services of the church. Why can they and we don't? Why are there so many good orthodox theologians, which I read but very few "byzantine catholic" ones? And why are we mixing up our liturgy and our spiritual lives with more and more Latin elements?
That all makes me feel a little in between. I don't know what to think anymore. I would love to say from my heart: "Yeah, I am a Greek Catholic Christian because it is right. Because I am convinced. But at the moment I am just not. I was and maybe I will be again. But I really am struggling at the moment. My relatives are Greek Catholic, who raise their eyebrows when I say the word "Orthodox Church". So there is also pressure. I don't want to separate myself from my relatives. And I love my friends and our parish. Nevertheless, I ask myself these kinds of questions. Is this the right church? The right thing?
Sorry for my long text. Maybe someone will read it and give me a hint, of what to do in this situation. I know that humans are questioning everything and that it is normal but I don't want to question anymore. I want to believe and be convinced.
If someone is hurt, forgive me!
I pray for you all and hope you are doing fine!
Yours Josaphat24
