www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Faith & Theology Difficult co-worker

What do you do when you need to remind yourself of how to handle difficult people in a Christian way? I take my Bible to work with me, and read the Psalms during my break to try to stay focussed. I feel bad saying this, but I need more direction.

This co-worker is the "500 lb gorilla" in the middle of the room that no one will talk about, and I am about ready to quit the studio because I can't take it any more. I really shouldn't do that, but I feel like I am going crazy when I work with her.

Do any of you work with really difficult people? What helps you to keep a loving Christian attitude despite their attitude/problems?

Hmmm - can you be more specific about his or her behavior? Is it directed at you? Is it due to your faith?

I've dealt with difficult co-workers in the past. Oftentimes they get their power from the fact that the manager will not act, either because they are intimidated, slothful or just overwhelmed with other things.

You can PM me if you want.

Gordo

I would suggest when working with a troubling co-workers to say a little prayer for serenity when you feel you are getting overly frustrated... I have found that doing this for many unwelcome feelings really does help

Just a quick Lord's prayer... or a little "Lord give me the serenity to be a proper representative of your love" goes a long way

Are there specific things that this co-worker does that grate you... or is it just her general attidute?

At first, I just noticed that she complained a lot -- about everything and everyone. Then I realized that she is taking credit for other people's work, using the computer, and doing it in such a way that it would be hard to document. Then I realized that she doesn't work, as long as other people are around to work, and then when you are working she will criticise everything you are doing, all the while complaining because she has to "train" you. She especially likes to get people in trouble, and right now is writing little notes to document every single thing the manager at the studio is doing "wrong".

Pretty much everyone knows about all of this. She's an unhappy person, so much we know.

Why haven't they fired her? I'm not totally clear. Part of it is the the district manager thinks it is a personality conflict between our manager and this employee, and has encouraged our manager to reach out to this person and be more supportive.

Since I began praying pretty much continuously while I work with her, she has stopped being directly critical of me, but she still complains, is critical and faultfinding of others, makes fun of customers, and tries to get people in trouble. Oh, and takes credit for my sales by voiding them and reringing them.

It's not comission, so it isn't as if she is actually taking money out of my pocket. But they do look at those numbers to determine our productivity. When I confronted her about it in a neutral way, she explained (rather pleasantly) that I had "completed the sale incorrectly" and she had to rering it to make it right in the system. Once or even twice, I might accept, but virtually every day I work with her one or two of my sales disappear.

I tell myself that she is just unhappy, and that even if she is difficult, she's God's child. She's not totally unlikable, actually. But this behavior is relentless. And then I know that while she is nice to me to my face, she still says nasty things about me behind my back. She says terrible things about everyone, and so I know it isn't just about me personally.

In a larger studio or office, I might be able to avoid such a person, but our studio is too small to be able to do that.

I feel so weak when confronted with this situation, I find myself struggling with anger and resentful feelings.

Part of me says -- if she's taking credit for my work, she is probably taking credit for other people's work. And there are a few other things I have seen her do that probably aren't totally legitimate. But she always has an excuse. I don't feel it's right for me to just sit idly by and let her get away with that, but I am not sure what I can really do. If it were just me, I probably would just say nothing, but since I think it's happening to more than just me, I feel as if I am being complicit by being silent.

As I said, I just feel very conflicted.

Hey Pook,

Be strong

This person seems to be all around a mal-content...

Does anyone know the reason she is a over-all sad person, if that really is the case?

Also, if it comes down to it... confront her on everything... say she re-rigns a sale... go up to her and tell her that if there is a problem with the sale... come to me don't just re-ring it, if I am making mistakes everyday I would liek to know what they are... If you do that you wouldn't have to trouble yourself reringing incorect sales :p

If she is complaining and not doing anything tell her... well maybe you could do it better... if you were actually doing anything...

Ask around to see if she does say things behind your back... and if it needs to be done... confront her with that, specifics of what she says...

Is she religious at all? If so but not going to church, or if she isn't, why not invite her to your parish, to have a good experience?

Sorry if this has already been tried...

Dear Friend,

I have just resigned from my current employ due to a difficult situation with my employer - of nine years all told!

Interestingly, it wasn't my work, but the fact that he seemed to be quite paranoid about perceived enemies around him and that he thinks I haven't been "protecting" him (In fact, people here just don't care much for him, to be honest).

He won't let me go just yet because there are a number of research projects he wants me to finish (and when I do, he won't need a researcher/writer for at least three months before he will have to break down and hire someone).

We've become best of friends and he still wants me to do contract work for him when I go (sometime next week).

Everyone in my building feels so sorry for me (they wanted to throw me a going-away party, but the powers that be got involved and had it cancelled for some reason - I'm staying out of that!).

My point is that however you get closer to her, perhaps you could strike up an alliance where she will at least not be an annoyance to you directly.

That's what I do here whenever a new and annoying poster comes on board!

I strike up an alliance with them to be clear of any direct hits myself - but sometimes this backfires and I share in the annoyance with that poster.

Along with my already annoying ways!

Cheers,

Alex

I have decided that I will try talking to my manager one more time. There may or may not be anything she can do, but this time I will make it clear how difficult it is for me to work around this person, and give her an opportunity to try to change things for the better before I quit. There is a very high turnover rate at this studio -- gee I wonder why? I know she has been having problems keeping new people, and I didn't want to be a quitter, but I just dread going in any more.

Yea, I know what you are going through. From the military on. some people are able to "hoodwink" ( I could use another phrase "BS", but you know what I mean). I work part-time at a department store. We continually have lazy people. I have to do all the work; puting the merchandise out, unpaking it, encoding the sales, doing markdowns, etc, as well as waiting on customers. I work with a person, similar to your friend. They stand behind the register, don't straighten up, tell lies about the rest of us (ie., that WE don't work, etc.) Whenever he has to work late he says he has a "familiy crisis" and has to leave early. As all of you know this is the busiest time in retail.

Well, I also know that people like this spend a lot of energy complaining, and going out of their way to make you look bad. Yes, they might hoodwink some people. But eventually they are found out. I would be patient and wait. She will quit soon, and make somebody else miserable. Take care.

These people you all are dealing with sound like they have some "demon" that needs to be exorcised (whether a true demon or obsessive thoughts) I would say pray pray pray. Avoid them if you can, in the business world there are many crooks and cons out there who WILL try to take you down with them if they get caught. I'm sure that all of us who post on this forum are doing their best to follow the straight and narrow road to our final reward. Unfortunately, the rest of the world want to travel on the way that is wide and easy. As a doctor I'm privy to all kinds of horrible things that people do, especially those who know better and don't do what they should because it's easier to do the wrong thing. I would say keep your nose very, very, very clean. Do everything by the book, take 14 minutes for your 15 minute breaks, etc... That way there is no question that you all have been following the rules of your companies.

I am gearing up to have that talk with my manager right now. I am hoping it doesn't turn into a resignation, but if it does, I will just deal with that.

The co-worker in question is unhappy because she is a stressed young single mother who lives at home with her parents. She is angry at them because they won't pay for everything that she and her child need/want. She is angry at work because she feels she deserved the manager position, and someone was hired in from outside to take that job, and she thinks this was extremely unfair. I have compassion for each of these situations, but I don't feel that it's any excuse for bad behavior.

Please join me in praying for strength to get through this. I really hate confrontations. Please pray with me for Jesus to forgive me for failing to be able to handle this with His perfect Love, which He gives me unfailingly. Also, and much more importantly, may whatever happens become an avenue for healing and not more condemnation.

Dear Pooklaroux,

Whatever happens, the Lord Jesus will shine through all your words, gestures and actions!

Alex

Actually that is a great strategy, Alex. A lot of difficult people simply need more love and friendship. And she isn't unlikable. She has been a lot more pleasant toward me in particular, but I am the kind of person who is hurt watching other people get mistreated. I would almost prefer to be the one getting insulted/criticized/grouched at/yelled at, because it's easier for me to take it than to watch it. I feel especially conflicted watching her scheme to destroy other employees. I take absolutely no pleasure in listening to talk like that.

Well, I did have that talk with my boss. So far so good. Apparently, the District is stopping by tomorrow about some of those very matters, and my boss encouraged me to keep heart and stay committed to the studio, she knows about the issues, and changes will happen. So we will see. I'll keep praying!